#still have this fucking dog which isn’t a problem except it’s just One More Thing

[curiosity-killed]

On the note of love as an action, sure fucking wish my family was better at it

[beholdthemem]

The day's almost over, and every god-damned second of it has been irritating.

Jeff's being dragged to a distant cousin's wedding somewhere out of state, which is annoying. The fact that they're down a vocalist means that the Friday slot they've been gunning for at the Hideout is now even further out of reach, which is also annoying. They're out of Schlitz, which Eddie knows is his own fault because he drank the last can and then forgot to replace it, but is nevertheless even more annoying still, and-

He hears a noise outside, and finds himself instinctively looking out the window to investigate for reasons he can't explain. The sight fills him with an unreasonable and entirely unproductive urge to smash something.

Most annoying of all, it's 11:30 at night and the little neighbor brat across from them is sitting on her porch finishing off a sleeve of saltine crackers that he knows in his soul is what she's decided qualifies as dinner.

Eddie gives a wordless snarl of directionless irritation under his breath, and stalks over to the refrigerator.

She's already gone back inside when he arrives at their door. She answers after the third knock, and looks about as pleased to see him as he is to be there.

"Look," Eddie says through gritted teeth, not bothering with the pleasantries that Wayne would probably expect of him but that he can barely bring himself to give a shit about on a GOOD day, and shoving the tupperware of lasagna at her. "I could not give less of a shit if you actually eat it or not. Just. Fucking. TAKE IT."

"Why?" She demands with an exasperation that sounds like she'd genuinely love to be mad at him but doesn't have anywhere near enough energy for it right now.

The answer should probably be 'Because my uncle's never seen a lost cause he didn't immediately invest himself in and if he found out that I wasn't keeping that up while he's not around to do it, he'd kick my ass,' but in all honesty it has nothing to do with Wayne anymore. Eddie's over here pushing food on a fourteen year old who's name he's not convinced he ever learned at what might as well be midnight purely because her day to day routine pisses him off.

She's not going to bother eating any real food on the days her mom isn't around, with the occasional exception of leftovers- and he knows for a fact that half of those end up going to the Kelleys' dog, anyway. Logically, he's aware that he's in no position to be criticizing either of those things, but that doesn't make it any less annoying to watch.

There are some nights when he sees the light on in what (judging by the faint sounds of Kate Bush) he assumes is her bedroom when he finally goes to bed at three, and they're still on, hours later, when he finally gets up. She's almost as pasty white as he is, and the contrast between her skin and the constantly darkening circles under her eyes make her look like a fucking raccoon.

On a few of the mornings that he's either woken up or failed to sleep before Wayne arrives home, he's seen her from out the window, sitting outside at the asscrack of dawn with her arms around her knees and a look in her eyes like she's seen more shit than any one person should, and now has no desire to see anything else, ever again.

All of these things annoy Eddie on their own, but the truly enraging thing about it all is that this is not his problem. This is in no way his problem! He has no legal, familial, or moral obligation to do anything about this random kid who he barely knows and (frankly speaking) doesn't particularly like- but he knows it's just going to bug him more if he doesn't.

Back before he'd gone to live with Wayne, Eddie had found a stray cat haunting the alley behind the place his parents rented. For no reason that he could ever puzzle out, it had hated him with an intensity that seemed to encompass all of humanity.

The feeling had been mutual.

But unfortunately, the animal had also been mangy, perpetually shivering, thin enough for Eddie to count individual ribs from afar, and overlooked by everybody else. And so Eddie had found himself sneaking out every night to leave a bowl of scraps that he KNEW was going to convince this animal he didn't like, and that loathed him, to stick around.

It made taking the trash out every week an unholy pain in the ass, and forced him to learn how to sleep through demonic feline yowling, but he'd nevertheless felt an undeniable sense of relief watching it slowly fill out. It had bothered him, for some reason, that it clearly wouldn't happen otherwise.

Dad had thought that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. Eddie had completely agreed. Wayne, meanwhile, had heard the story and for some bizarre reason been proud of him.

The fact of the matter, Eddie thinks, watching this little redhead give him the same fucking look that goddamn cat had and feeling his annoyance slowly drain into matching exasperation- is that while he may not be a particularly hardworking, honest, or even generally decent person, in some ways he is still very much Wayne Munson's nephew.

God help him.

"Because you look like on your own, all you'll eat is cereal and oyster crackers," Eddie tells her instead, pushing the tupperware into her hand and counting it as a victory when she reflexively grabs it. The kid's eyes widen when she realizes what she's done, but the thin, irritated line her mouth pinches into means she's not going to fight him on it.

Point for Munson.

"You look like if hepatitis was a person," she retorts, still holding the lasagna, and then slams the door.

Eddie genuinely hates that that makes him laugh.

[nappybones5]

What are your favorite things about Raven x Taiyang ship? Outside of their whole relationship not getting showed in the show, is there something you don't like about the ship?

What songs remind you of them?

Thanks for the ask, first off, and sorry I’ve taken a little to get back to you. This took me a bit to type up and I did it instead of working on more Phoenix stories lmao. I did end up getting a bit grouchy about Tai as a character, so fair warning, there’s a bit of critical content here; you can of course scroll right past it to get to the good stuff.

Probably my favourite thing about Raven x Taiyang is the fanfiction; it’s as you say, their relationship is never actually shown in the show, a ship that sunk well before it even sailed-which, fair. It��s not their show. But it still irritates me, because Raven was a character who immediately caught my interest on Youtube because she was hot, and then I watched those videos and I thought “oh wow this lady’s got some serious baggage”. That scene in V5, where Raven’s gaze drops from Yang to the ground and she breathes Tai’s name piqued my interest in that man a thousandfold, and then it turns out he’s…there. He’s been sitting on his ass at home, gardening and gawking the telly while his children fight in the forever war that he must have some idea of, if his glare to Qrow at the end of V3 meant anything. It’s been said before by others: Tai being the stay-at-home parent in an empty house makes no sense. It’s authorial intervention to make sure the protagonists didn’t curbstomp their way through the events of V4-5 with two veteran Huntsmen (sidenote, how cool would it have been if instead of doing nothing and getting left behind by the story, Tai had accompanied Yang to Raven? I mean, shit, if Raven had an out-of-body moment at the mere mention of her ex-husband what would his presence in those scenes have done? The angst! The drama! I AM LITERALLY PICTURING A SCENE IN WHICH Raven ushers them into the tent without a fight, she’s twiddling her thumbs like “aha well, you see…fuck” while Vernal is like “why…is she…OH YOU MUST BE TAI” and then Weiss breaks out of the cage and she’s wiping the floor with those tribal jobbers-and Raven turns to Tai and Yang while they have no idea what's going on, Yang’s instinctively stood up before Tai’s like “nah this sounds like a her problem” and Yang goes “oh yeahhhhh! Good luck bitch lmao”).

You ask what I don’t like about the ship. I’d argue there’s nothing to dislike, because there is practically nothing there, beyond the maddening tease of a handful of scenes that never amount to anything. What I do dislike are the characters as they are written in canon-Raven is hilariously incoherent (“Salem only uses people until they are no longer useful” “…Are you having a stroke” “Yes. Vernal get help”) and Tai is boringly incoherent. They make no sense and they reek of wasted potential.

But the fanfiction. The shit that fan writers get up to when they’re not being hemmed in by canon. <> I originally had a little list of recommendations written up, but on second thought I am unsure how comfortable those writers would be with getting mentioned in a post that is probably going to be tagged RWDE. So…rest assured, there’s some good shit out there, you just have to look. But my favourite one is a genfic that isn’t tagged Raven Branwen/Taiyang Xiao Long. So I’m sorry. <>

Aside from the fanfiction that started all this, I guess I’m also very fond of my own interpretation of Phoenix; think black cat golden retriever, except that the cat is a desperate thing and the dog is mangy as all hell, because I’ve said it before, I don’t like fanon STRQ-era fuckboy Tai. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t care for writing that kind of archetype. Canon Tai isn’t particularly interesting to me either. I consider him a narrative deadweight EXCEPT in the matter of how he relates to Raven, who is far and away the more compelling character to me (hopefully it doesn’t show in my writing, considering what I’m about to get into).

Writing Tai for me personally has been like constantly asking myself the question: Who did Raven Branwen fall in love with? My answer, and I guess parcelled with it the answer to your first question, about what I actually like about Phoenix, is that Raven fell in love with someone who was so unexpectedly like her-with all her rage and doubt and hurt-someone who has suffered, if not measure for measure, a life not unlike hers, and who yet despite it all is still holding out hope-is still fundamentally a good person. Life in the tribe broke that scared little girl-it made her solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. Tai, on the other hand, drank his milk. With Tai, she doesn’t get the excuse of ‘life was shitty to me so I’m dealing it back’; he sees her, and Raven likewise, because to their mutual shock and rage, they’re looking into a mirror.

I know opposites attract is and probably always will be in romantic vogue, but I like to think that that trope is only the superficial appearance of Phoenix. I imagine them initially enraged by each other, barely able to breathe in the same room without scoffing or making some biting joke (more often than not Raven instigating, Tai retaliating). As the seasons change, rage cools to resignation, and a kind of morbid curiosity sets in. From Raven’s perspective: Why are you like this? Where do you find the will to care? I need to know. From Tai’s: Why are you like this? Can I help you? I want to help. Them working their way from a tentative ceasefire to a comfortable peace; days and days gone without a backbiting that feels so petty and pointless to them now-or if it persists, everyone can feel that there’s no more heat to it. They’re together more often than they’re not-they’re the only people that can pull each other back from the brink, that can realise that the ever-mediative Tai or the taciturn Raven was even there. One blazing day in spring, the sun is on her skin and his hands are in her hair and her mind can only stutter out a double ‘Oh’ before their lips brush and it occurs to her that even if she runs now, she’ll stay. So for a brief and blessed time, she stays, whole, taking an anxious, guilty pleasure in this life that she hates she doesn’t hate. Even after everything she’s done, maybe she has a right to life too. Coming home every day to a home she’s never known-he smells like timber and stock, roses and earth. He’s warm when she’s cold, he’s kind to her when she’s cruel to herself-he holds her as the setting sun washes them in rosegold and she hopes.

And then Yang is born. It’s hardly her fault-for the first week or so, Raven loves her. But the creep of post-partum depression exacerbates all that old rage and doubt and hurt. She’s angrier than usual and she doesn’t know why. Why is she here? She’s killed dozens of men like Tai before-good men, fathers. She’s killed the occasional scrawny kid who fought back, who decided their mementos were worth more to them than their shitty lives. And she gets to be a mother? One day she looks at Yang and she’s just. Disgusted. She’s disgusted by her, and suddenly she’s terrified by herself. She’s going to get someone killed. Well, she can do that somewhere else.

Tai left to father Yang, alone. Raven in the thick of her PPD, making a name for herself across Anima. Nodding until her head hurts when she’s sober and her mind is drawn home. Yes, she made the right choice.

And then the lift of that awful fog. Just as she’s earned the title of ‘Bandit Queen’ it feels worse than meaningless. What the fuck is she doing? Where’s Tai, where’s Yang? Stumbling through that portal. She left them without a damn thing, what was she expecting? They look happy together. She won’t ruin that for them, not again. She staggers back through the portal, heart still rotting in that old home.

Years and years and years passing, letting this new wound scab and scar but it still stings, the worst mistake she’ll ever pay for. Every night, tired eyes to the tent roof, wondering what the look on Tai’s face would be if she cut a path to him right now. She twists, he turns, they grasp at nothing and laugh at jokes half-remembered in the dark. He misses the person he used to be. She doesn’t. She wishes she’d been better.

My favourite thing about Raven x Taiyang is all the shit I made up about them. As for the music!

Going in chronological order of the progression of the relationship, I love to imagine Perfect Pair as a mood for Raven and Tai in their prime. A love unconditional, trusting the other to hold their heart in their hands without breaking it. This followed by the super-sentimental Herz über Kopf (Heart over Head), Raven fighting all the torturous insecurities she has about her right to this life. Two optimistic songs, followed by the steel chair of Tek It to the face, Tai trying to shrug off the betrayal, Raven more than faintly ashamed. This to be emphasised by Out of My League, as a song from her perspective after it finally, really hits her what she’s done. And conclude with Show Me How, a song I reckon perfectly encapsulates the sense of lost love that is radiated by these absolutely miserable, mourning, yearning people. 😊

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

FFS, life can stop hurting for a bit, maybe a few hours!

Today I am miserable, in a lot of pain from four different things, the most incapacitating being that unhealing ankle wound that I have to wear the horrible ankle brace on. i have to walk, but I have reached the point just walking to Ryoga’s makes me cry, and I don’t cry at pain usually.

Then there is the hot water heater. It conked out. Or so I thought. So I pushed through the pain to investigate the really messy problem, messy since it burns kerosene with the resulting soot and it’s on the back porch in the corner the damn cats keep making a mess of.

I injured my finger in the process, my bad finger, the one I crushed and had taken a week to stop bleeding. It’s bleeding again.

Turns out, despite being absolutely sure I hadn’t run out, I ran out of kerosene. I wasted a ton of time investigating other things. Worse, now I have to figure out how despite rationing using the hot water heater down to 1 1/2 hrs a night I STILL ran out of kerosene weeks early.

Oh joy, I’ll have to boil water for washing dishes and showers.

Now I have to buy kerosene tomorrow, when I already had an extra long list including more stuff for bandaging the ankle that I will have to somehow hobble on to shop!

The dog medicine I get from Amazon was supposed to arrive last week, which is good since I ran out then. Well, except it didn’t come. it was split into two packages, one which Amazon is just sending now exactly one week after it’s original arrival date, the other UPS has held because they say the address is wrong.

Address wrong? My family have gotten stuff from Amazon at this address for 25 yrs and my family have been in this house for about 70!

So over the weekend I dealt with a ton of problems trying to get in touch with UPS (Amazon said go talk to them) and their website to “correct” the address. The address was fine.

Today they STILL were holding it, so I just spent another hour trying again to sort this out. I have no idea what the hell is going on!

The dogs need their meds. I have $40 invested in what hasn’t arrived, and obviously isn’t going to be refunded if it’s in limbo. This means I have to go out tomorrow and spend $50 more dollars, because it’s more expensive locally, which means for this month I will have spent $90 on the meds.

$90 out of this two week budget, plus the $80 for kerosene, plus $180 for dog feed, plus another $80 for other stuff for the dogs, plus $25for the stuff for bandages, plus $15 for stuff I need to deal with the grapes…Out of the $400 I have to spend that leaves, what for my groceries????

Oh.

Fuck.

Pamper myself the post master says. Take a day off to indulge myself. Go a whole day not thinking about any troubles she says. I’ve earned it she says.

Yeah, easy to say when you aren’t scrambling to get by, in constant pain, and no one to delegate anything to!

***sigh***

And now I have to bind my foot up again to go do something for the animals. Here’s hoping I don’t scare them too much with yowls of pain…

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Aight more Roxy conflicts

Next up is communication!

She was programmed with the same language processors the others have. She can speak and understand various different languages with English being the primary one. This is all well and good but to make her more Dog™ they also programmed in a dog specific language which is where the problems come into play as this is included in all the other dog programming and not just added to the base language processor.

This means she has two separate language processors running at the same time with two very different defaults. One with an English default, and the other with a dog language default. Not ideal!

The dog language is very heavy on the body language. It’s where the tail wags, the ear flicks and the teeth baring all come from, but it’s also where you get things like barks, howls and growls. This all mixes with the other languages she knows and well. It doesn’t mix all that well, mostly because no one thought to make them actually compatible. This is a problem she has to learn to navigate herself, finding a middle ground for the two different languages and doing it before they throw her to the kids for her debut. Yup, they had a time limit on this. Either she starts making sense quick or she’s in deep shit. As such, her initial few weeks of life are a mad sprint to give herself a crash course in communication in order to figure out how to merge these two languages in a way that everyone else understands because to her she makes perfect sense.

Hah and people wonder why she has anger issues lmao

Anyway, this situation links nicely with another one. She’s programmed to not be very emotional but her dog side is programmed the opposite. Well, due to how she communicates normally, her emotions are actually on display an awful lot, just not in a way most understand unless they really know her. She displays her emotions physically via dog body language and specific tones in dog noises. This comes really easily and naturally for her as the dog side of her language processors is very emotions based, but on the flip side, these same language processors make actually talking about her feelings really difficult.

Basically, when she’s upset, it’s much easier to show it and express it with the Dog Language, rather than the Human Languages she knows. Which makes it really hard to talk to people, especially when she’s programmed to not be very emotional.

Now, her being able to express emotions in anyway is great, right? Even if people don’t understand her? Nope.

Wolves howl for fun a lot. They howl to communicate, to lead missing members back to the pack, just for fun, to warn of dangers, etc. Well that’s not ideal when no one else speaks wolf. Roxy can howl for help and no one will come because they just assume she’s fucking around again and vice versa until they put the effort in to learn the nuances in it. Can you imagine how hard that must have been the first time she needed help, called for it and nobody came? Like, ouch that must have hurt. She’s probably learnt from that not to howl when she needs help even though she wants to because she knows it won’t work, or she learnt to only howl when she’s in trouble which is just depressing. Howling is fun and now she doesn’t want to anymore in case something happens and nobody comes :(

It’s not like anyone understands her for ages anyway. Not until she figures out how to get around the language barriers. They at least know she’s trying but half an English sentence and a bark isn’t going to be easy to understand. Once she wraps her head around it all? Once she’s able to have an easier conversation with everyone? Yeah, she’s probably still not talking about this to anyone. Why would she? They wouldn’t get it.

Except… DJ Music Man does.

Think about it! The person that she’s going to struggle to communicate with the most is going to be Monty, Sunny and Moon because their teeth are always on display, which is an aggressive signal for a dog. DJ Music Man? He communicates with musical notes and sign language. So sounds with no words and a big range of tones, and parts of the body. The two things that Roxy communicates best with. Yeah, Roxy has the ability to speak and understand English but she excels in the more canine aspects of that communication because of how strongly it correlates to her emotions. Thus, DJ Music Man would have the easiest time talking to her because well… he doesn’t rely on spoken words either. His music is so much clearer to her than it might be for the others, the nuance in her howls is more obvious to him than the others. They actually have a solid base on which to talk to each other whereas for Roxy, what she’s trying to say often gets lost in translation.

She gets better of course. She gets good enough that the problem pretty much gets solved. The conflict in the coding is still there though so on particularly stressful days or when she’s just really tired or the emotions are too strong or whatever, she flip-flops. Which means a very tired Roxy is more likely to growl and make sad little puppy dog whines than a wide awake Roxy. A very upset Roxy is gonna be full of sad dog noises between the crying and doubly struggle to get her words out. A hyper Roxy is going to be all full of tail wags and happy little barks and awoos. It’s all about her emotions! The stronger they are, the stronger the Dogisms!

So the problem never really goes away completely, but it’s a hell of a lot more manageable after a while of working on it. And also, the others think it’s absolutely adorable sometimes. They’re aware that if they say so they will lose their arm but still. Roxy making those weird half bark half howl noises is just too funny sometimes.

And you know what? Wolves have special howls for those they really care for. Roxy has one for each of them and they all know their special howl before anything else. It’s like a mark of friendship from her! Once they’re close enough, if she needs them, she’ll give them a soft little howl specifically for them and they love it. Chica has something similar as well so as soon as one gets a special coo or howl, the other one gets one too. It’s a really sweet system they’ve got here and it’s really handy if Roxy needs someone urgently from across the Plex. Sure, she could use the internal messaging system but where’s the fun in that?

Anyway, yeah. This conflict has it’s ups and downs. The isolation of not being able to get her voice heard, the frustration that comes with not being understood, having to give herself a crash course in communication before her debut so she doesn’t get into trouble but a very quick friendship with DJ and the Minis, special howls for everyone, and everyone being able to tell when she’s happy through the tail wags.

Okay, yeah, the downs are pretty big and awful but at least there’s a few ups, right?

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Story time! So I’ve got this friend Phil.

Now Phil is damn near indescribable as a person. To be honest, if you wrote him as a character, no one would entirely believe it, unless you put him in a comedy show where reality is slightly twisted and therefore people can be much more... Phil-like. He is actually incredibly clever, but no one can really tell, because thanks to a very strong case of the ole ADHD (don’t @ me I have it too) he is also as impulsive as a sugar-high kitten and makes the sorts of leaps in logic that only the super neurodiverse who are connecting random shit together at the speed of sound and then forgetting what they started with can, which means he does not come across as clever; no, he comes across as Very High and also Very Dumb. He combines this with also being astonishingly kind and breathtakingly easily impressed, so he will respond to anything you say at all with the enthusiastic child-like wonder of an eager and delighted freshly-landed alien. 

And he’s a standup comedian, which is how I know him. Weirdly, even though he has a billion completely fascinating stories, he never talks about them on stage because he doesn’t see them as fascinating. He once had to swim out to sea to avoid a pack of rabid dogs. He once fought a spider for an Oreo and lost. He once agreed to have tantric sex with a woman without knowing what it was, but assumed that the word sounds a bit like frantic so that must be it, and then spent four hours in a state of polite bewilderment and increasing horny frustration because he was too nice to say anything. He doesn’t think any of these stories are interesting or funny.

Anyway, he’s decided he wants to be an engineer, and so has gone back to uni. As part of this, his maths needs to be good, so he’s paying my husband to tutor him, because Steff is very good at maths. At the same time, though, because comedy gigs dried up somewhat during lockdown, he got a job in a call centre for a phone company whose name I shall redact for the purposes of this story.

Now, this company has a policy of doing a Big-Ass Weekly Meeting, and everyone has to attend over Zoom, once a week. Except, obviously, these meetings are very boring, and contain over 50 people at any one time, and most people are mute participants to the whole sorry affair and just count down the minutes until they can log off. Phil is no exception to this, so he uses the time to practice his maths.

On the day in question, a couple of weeks ago, that’s what he was doing. But Phil being Phil, he made something of an error. 

Everyone has to have their cameras on, you see. But rather than muting himself as well, Phil decided to just turn down the volume on the meeting and then carry on with some sums. This itself wouldn’t be a problem, but for two things:

Phil, when he does maths, mutters under his breath to himself (”Okay but if that’s 2... can that be a four? That doesn’t seem right. Let’s divide it by that number instead, that’s probably it. Wait, is that balanced?” etc)

On this particular day, Something Happened.

Part way through his maths, Phil suddenly becomes aware that... something is wrong. Something is not happening that should be happening. A noise he hadn’t been hearing had stopped. He pulls the meeting screen back up.

Fifty people are silently staring at the screen.

This is weird, thinks Phil, and tries to work out what the fuck is going on. The screen is not frozen. The sound is still working. Fifty people are just staring into their cameras.

“So,” says his supervisor suddenly. “Is that everything, Phil?”

And Phil says, “Hmm?”

“...That’s great, isn’t it?” the supervisor says.

“Yeah,” says Phil vaguely, calling on every comedian skill and instinct he possesses to stay cool and not cry.

“Okay,” the supervisor says oddly. “Well, let’s move on...”

The meeting continues. Hastily, Phil messages a friend in the meeting to ask what just happened. The story comes out.

Turns out... the week before, Phil had had a phonecall.

Like so many of his customers, it was an old woman who didn’t know how the internet worked and was very confused, and honestly, was lonely and wanted to talk to someone. He gets a lot of people like that, and each time he’ll periodically say just the right scripted sentence like “Is there anything else I can help you with?” that means they can keep chatting to him and he can officially stay on the line if a manager decides to listen in, because Phil is extremely ditzy but really not stupid. Anyway, this old woman, Mari, had mentioned that she lived alone in lockdown, and she missed seeing her grown up kids and having a meal with them.

So Phil, being an extremely kind and exquisitely weird man, says “Tell you what, I’ll order you an Uber Eats if you like, on me.”

Which actually becomes a whole Thing, because Mari does not know what an Uber Eats is, and for a while thinks he’s saying he’ll personally cook her dinner. But after some back and forth, Phil gets her to understand.

“Pick a cuisine,” he says. “What do you fancy?”

“Well,” says Mari. “I suppose a roast dinner.”

“There we are,” says Phil cheerfully. “I’ll send you one.”

“Ooh, lovely!” says Mari. “And a bottle of wine, bach.”

“Sure,” sighs Phil, impressed by Mari’s gumption. “And a bottle of wine.”

So he does, and thinks that’s the end of it. And it is... until the day before this weekly meeting, when Mari’s glowing letter of praise landed on the head boss’ desk, describing what incredible customer service this young man called Phil had given her and how impressed and touched she was.

So, in this meeting, Phil’s supervisor, delighted with his worker, read out the letter. “I have the most astonishing piece of customer feedback,” he says, reading out Mari’s words. “I’m at a loss for words! In all my years of doing this job, of working in this field, I’ve never known such dedication, and such outstanding care for the customers! So congratulations, Phil, we’re giving you a gift voucher and we thank you for your work. Do you have anything you want to say?”

At which point...

Fifty people go quiet to listen to Phil.

Who, to them, is staring into the camera, intensely concentrating, and trying to speak.

“Sorry, Phil,” one person says after a bit. “I think your microphone is turned down. We can’t quite hear you.”

No response. Phil continues, apparently speaking, but unheard.

And then he stops, his concentration changing, and he stares back, now silent.

“So,” says the supervisor, unnerved. “Is that everything, Phil?”

“Hmm?” Phil says.

“...That’s great, isn’t it?” the supervisor says, trying to get SOMETHING out of this, his Weirdest Employee.

“Yeah,” Phil says vaguely.

Everyone collectively decides to move on.

Incredibly, this is not even the weirdest thing he’s done in that job, and I think his supervisor is as surprised as the rest of us that he hasn’t fired Phil yet.

[theveryworstthing]

So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.

The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.

I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.

Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.

10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.

The Parents

From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.

Or while it was still bleeding.

If she was into that.

Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.

Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.

And he always gets his due.

He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.

Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~

Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.

Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.

This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.

Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?

Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.

Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.

What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.

Mortesha would know.

The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.

Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.

The Children

Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.

Anyway.

Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!

Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.

Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.

I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.

Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.

She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.

Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  

That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.

Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.

[dodo-begone]

Could you Not?

Pairing: Techno x Reader

Request: yooo remember a while ago when we were talking abt Techno hiding you from the yandere boys?? that would be hella neat to see ngl —

Word count: 1.9k

Warning: yandere, stockholm syndrome, kidnapping, panic attack at end

A/n: yan!minors are mentioned, that’s why there’s a yandere warning.

The day was predestined to be great; a day full of sunshine and peace. So many potatoes would be tilled, the dog army would grow exponentially and other calming hobbies.

Now let’s be honest, that isn’t the reality of things at all. Nothing is ever nice and simple. Life always needs to throw a curveball at people; keeping them on their feet, on edge for their entire existence. Techno was no exception from this rule. His life had been plagued by tragedy and hardships. It made him calloused and desensitized towards the world and whatever challenges it had to throw at him. Though nothing could have really prepared him for what came next. Well he actually did, in a way. Similar in reasoning yet very different in the reaction and how the problem was presented to him.

Puffy stood at his door, struggling to hold someone the size of her. They were thrashing around, screeching to be released from their confines. She looked exhausted and beyond worried. There were few words to describe her state. Sadness painted her face like clouds painted the sky; it was evident with every feature of her face, every movement of her brow and reddening eyes. Pants escaped her lips and the struggling wasn’t helping her catch the escaping breaths.

The person Puffy was holding wasn’t any better. They looked malnourished, dirty, panicked, stressed. Those were just the obvious and quick observations. There were probably so many other hidden issues with this person. Honestly, Techno didn’t want to deal with them or Puffy. He was absolutely done dealing with people.

He’d have to get over it though, as Puffy asked him to care for this mystery person. She pleaded so much, saying that if they couldn’t stay with him, they’d be in terrible danger. Techno was her only option in protecting this person. There were some horrible people looking for the person in her arms and she couldn’t protect them on her own. Honestly he was only half listening. He really didn’t want to hear about another person’s sob story and how they so desperately needed his help. How they just couldn’t make it without his help. Occasionally Techno nodded or gave a “mhm” to indicate he was listening. Because that’s the polite thing to do, even if you aren’t listening. It shows you are listening and seems polite. Though he should’ve paid a bit more attention because the next thing he knew a fucking child was getting shoved into his arms.

They were so tiny that they could qualify as a child. So frail, too skinny, hair matted and looked too pale for their natural complexion. Horrified couldn’t even describe how he felt; he did not want to be holding this person, they looked so fragile and could be hurt so easily. Plus they were screaming and crying, still fighting to get out your captor’s grip, which was currently him. Distressed and crying people weren’t the most pleasant to be around especially when you’re a seven foot tall, socially awkward piglin hybrid.

Techno tried to return them to Puffy’s possession. She refused, pushing them further into his hold. She kept insisting that he let them stay with him, at least for a little bit. There was little time to prepare a place for them to stay and they needed the constant protection and some care. Techno kept arguing with Puffy, saying that he really didn’t want, need or have the time to care for them.

It wasn’t long when Puffy finally ended the argument with one phrase; “you still owe me an IOU.”

_______________________________________________

“So is this it,” Techno reluctantly asked, gently bouncing the slumbering stranger. It was and wasn’t surprising how worn out they ended up after the argument. Half-way through the arguing and accommodations, they finally calmed and soon fell asleep. Though they were violently shivering; this conversation couldn’t keep going like this. They both looked at them and looked back at each other.

“Yes. Please,” Puffy whispered, gently putting her hand onto their arm. “Please take care of them for now. You don’t have to care for them long. I just-i just need some time to set them up a place and some help. There were few options to go with and you were the best one.”

Silence settled over them once again. Techno sighed, building his resolve to care for another kid. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

Puffy awarded Techno with one of the most relieved smiles he had ever encountered. She was visibly relaxed, not holding herself up like a puppet who’s tense strings were being tugged. “Now get going Puffy,” Techno ushered. “I can take it from here.”

With that, Puffy started her trek back home, through the unforgiving tundra. As Techno watched her walk away, he wondered how she managed it. How she could carry someone the size of herself for god-knows how long.

He couldn’t ponder long. The person in his arms was still out in the harsh cold and definitely not dressed or prepared for weather like this. A very vulnerable position. With that, he opened the door with his foot and brought the two of you inside.

There weren’t many places to lay someone down. The floor was an option, but it was probably super cold. Techno wasn’t too sure, but he also didn’t want to risk it at the moment. Scanning around reveals a small issue; Techno’s reading chair is the only place to sit that isn’t the damn floor. Crackling fire brought his attention to the welcoming presence of the hearth. So either the floor with the fireplace or the chair which was a decent distance from the fireplace. Was it really a question at that point?

Walking over to the fireplace, Techno tried to disturb the person as little as possible. He started to slowly place them onto the ground. They wouldn’t really notice if they were as exhausted as they looked. When they touched the ground, they stirred and groaned at the change in temperature. Swiftly Techno place them on the floor and held his hands up; a way of saying “okay i’m not touching it so it shouldn’t break now- don’t break”. After a few moments of stillness, Techno deemed himself to be in the “all clear”. With that, he walked off to a different part of the house. He had to start setting up a room for his new guest. And get them food and proper clothing-

A ruckus from the living quarters disturbed him. Oh god what was going on now? Without much thought, he ran to the noise. When he arrived, he frantically looked around. He was looking for anything, but more specifically a danger. But it was much the opposite.

There, at his front door, trying to get out like their life depended on it, was that stranger. Well, it wasn’t a stranger. He couldn’t keep forgetting that. It was ______. Though it was hard to do that; they looked so different. Panic seemed to just possess them; their eyes were wide and bloodshot and their face was even paler than he remembered them in their pale state. Which was an odd statement but it was oddly true. He hadn’t thought that you could get any paler, yet here you are proving him wrong.

You two were in a stare off- trying to figure out what to do. It would be somewhat hilarious if the situation wasn’t so serious; a person trying desperately to get out of someone’s house in some of the most comical positions while a seven foot piglin just awkwardly stared from the other side of the room. The semi-trance was broken by you. Tears started to fall down your face, body started to violently shake, and then you started to try and destroy the door with your body.

Techno was holding you in a heartbeat. Once again, you were dangling and struggling to get out of his grasp. Last time it wasn’t his grasp you were trying to escape, but it was all the same in the end. Your crying soon reverted back to sobbing and screams. Flinching, Techno contemplated just dropping you. Yet he couldn’t; you were trying to escape and that wasn’t a good idea.

Carrying you around the house was a challenge; you were swinging what little weight you could and it was working. He barely got to the other end of the room before he got fed up with your little tantrum. Without a second thought, he just dropped you like a bag of potatoes. The moment you hit the ground, you scrambled to get as far away as possible. That leads you to a corner. You kept an eye of him yet curled up so much. He couldn’t tell if it was because you were cold or scared.

“Please let me go back.”

That catches Techno off guard. It was obviously you voice; he wasn’t talking and you were the only other thing that could talk here. Yet it didn’t sound like you. Your voice was now so gravely, scratchy and heavy. Like you hadn’t properly talked in a while. Though your crying definitely wasn’t helping. Even taking that into consideration, you sound way worse than someone who is just crying and occasionally screaming.

“Excuse me,” he mumbles, staring at you. Waiting for you to answer or proof that he was actually imagining stuff. It could’ve easily been a voice though-

“I said please let me go back,” you sniffled, turning to look at him more. Your eyes held such sadness, besides the tears. The yearning in them hurt. It was obvious you were missing something.

“Go back where,” Techno prodded. He tried his best to make it gentle so you wouldn’t close up again. So he slowly sat on the ground with you, scooting towards you as a pace you could easily stop.

“Back to my friends, obviously,” you stated, keeping a steady and guarded eye on Techno. “I want to go back home. Back to Tommy and Tubbo and Ranboo an-and Purpled.” Suddenly you started to cry much harder. So hard it was practically impossible to speak. Only hiccups and gasps left your lips.

“Let me go, I won’t bother you again.” You kept repeating that phrase. Even rephrasing it, but it was muffled. Well not muffled, but extremely hard to hear through your crying. Techno let you keep saying that in hopes you tire of it, yet it seemed to have the opposite effect. You only started to say it more clearly, louder, and more assertively. It was obvious you were bound and determined to go back to wherever the hell you were before.

“Hey kid,” Techno does his best to stop your babbling. The pleads had just digressed to nonsense, so it was more accurate to call that mess babbling. “I can’t do that.”

His answer wasn’t well received. It only made you sadder and madder; you even deployed the puppy dog eyes. You really wanted this.

“It’s not safe with them,” he reiterated. “You look sickly too. Did you not care for yourself with them?”

Silence consumed you; maybe now you were finally thinking more clearly.

A meek “no” left your lips. Realization seemed to hit you, at least somewhat. It was a step forward, and Techno was taking it wholeheartedly. Anything was progress and he just wanted this over. Some of the voices whispered that they wanted you to get better, but he ignored them.

“Then it’s settled. You’re staying here.”

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Not A Date

Summary: You’re Bruce’s cute little intern and he has a crush on you, but doesn’t want to admit it. Except Thor’s kind of his best friend and can tell. He just needs a little push.

Pairings: Bruce Banner x black!reader x Thor

Warnings: smut, mmf threesome, age gap, daddy kink, swearing

(A/N: decided to change it up a little to celebrate 500 followers 🥳. It’s a little long. Enjoy, like, and reblog.)

Tagged: @titty-teetee​, @harrysthiccthighss​, @iam-laiya, @sweeterthanthis , @night-of-the-living-shred​, @mariahthelioness29, @liquorlaughslove, @blackmissfrizzle

Bruce would have never thought about being with someone that worked under him until you. He liked to think of himself as a man with integrity when he wasn’t the Hulk. Yet he found himself thinking about you in the worst ways.

It was worse because you were half his age. He never wanted to cross that line. Despite Tony trying to convince him to ask you out for drinks. He didn’t wanna freak you out or make you think he was a creep. You really had no business looking that sexy in a lab coat, though.

What was worse was that it seemed like he couldn’t get a break from you. You genuinely enjoyed his company. You were eager to learn and Banner was definitely eager to teach you.

The only problem? Thor had taken a liking to you. How the fuck was he supposed to compete with that.

Would you rather have Banner? A nerd that spends all day in the lab or Thor. A king from another planet whose people had been forced hereafter said planet had been destroyed. The choice seemed pretty obvious to him.

Not that Thor wasn’t great. After everything that’s happened Bruce and Thor were practically best friends. Thor gotten him through a really rough time and obviously Banner had been there to help the god save his people. Then after everything with Thanos. They’d bonded in a way neither of them had expected.

He doesn’t even know why he tortures himself thinking about it. It was bad enough that the King of New Asgard was making googly eyes at you. Or that you seemed to be reciprocating it.

You were doing it right now. Laughing about something he said while his friend trailed his different colored eyes up and down your body. He couldn’t even blame him.

“Banner, you want to come out with us for dinner?” Thor had asked as you’d started taking off your coat getting ready to leave the lab for the day.

Bruce sighed. Why did Thor have to torture him like that. “No, it’s okay.”

“Oh, come on, Dr. Banner,” your voice was so smooth and sultry. Like you were always about to whisper something dirty. “Come out with us. All work and no play make you a dull boy.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose on your date,” he said as he finished packing up.

You tilted your head to the side with those confused puppy dog eyes. “Date? This isn’t a date. We’re just bored. And I wanna get drunk.”

“Yeah.” Thor nodded. “Just three friends having a few drinks and dinner.”

Banner looked between the two. Both of them with those sweet looks on their faces. Why the fuck did Thor have to be one of the nicest beings he’d ever met. It was hard to say no to him.

“Okay fine. Where are we going?” He asked as he finished packing up.

“It doesn’t matter as long as I get nachos!” You replied with a grin. “But I need to change first. I feel icky.”

Bruce had decided to do the same. He didn’t want to admit it, but he wanted to at least look nice for the first time you’d be seeing him out of work. Not that he was planning on acting out on any feelings. Again. He didn’t wanna freak you out.

“I know your secret.” Thor narrowed his eyes with a smirk on his face making Bruce almost smack onto him when he’d walked out of his room.

“Jesus, Thor!” He put his hand over his heart trying to not freak out completely.

He put his hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I do know your secret, though.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You like Lady Y/N. Am I right?”

His jaw dropped, but he tried to sober up quickly. “Wha- what. Why, why would, what makes you think that?” He stuttered.

“I’m a fertility god.” He rolled his eyes dramatically. “I can tell these things.”

“Oh...” he trailed off his cheeks getting bright red.

Thor laughed. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. She’s beautiful.”

“She’s half my age,” he replied.

“So?” He frowned in confusion. Of course, Thor would have no concept of an age difference when he’d lived through centuries.

Bruce sighed. “So, it’ll look odd if I start dating my twenty-five-year-old intern, Thor.”

He shrugged. “Look I’m sure Stark has done much worse. Don’t worry about what people will think or you’ll never get your chance.”

—

You sipped from your margarita from your spot beside him. Why’d you have to be so close. Not that he was complaining. You’d started drinking the tequila before you’d even gotten the chance to get your food.

It was so different seeing you out of the lab and compound. You were dressed so simply in a white v neck tucked into your black jeans and a pair of black boots, but you looked so good. Your hair was up and done in your natural look. Like a cute pineapple.

“Wait, can either of you even get drunk?” You asked.

Thor had set down his beer and nodded. “I can, there’s nothing like Asgardian mead, though. What about you, Banner?”

“I don’t drink. Not sure how the big guy would react,” he answered.

She nodded. “That makes sense. Hope you guys don’t mind if I get drunk as fuck.”

“Feel free,” Thor replied. “We’ll protect you. Won’t we?” Thor kicked him lightly under the table.

“Yeah... yeah,” Bruce replied.

“Dr. Banner, loosen up. We’re here to have fun.” You nudged him.

“Yeah you’re right,” he replied a tiny smile appearing on his face as he tapped his fingers against the table. “I guess a beer wouldn’t hurt. If anything, we can just stay at Tony’s.”

“How many homes does this man have?” You asked wrinkling your nose. 

—

Thor spun around with you on his back as you guys walked towards the entrance of the complex Bruce had told you that Tony wouldn’t mind if the three of you crashed in for the night. Just because Stark Tower was gone didn’t mean the billionaire didn’t have other properties around New York.

Banner laughed as he walked behind the both of you. He’d stuck to a beer to be safe and had loosened up at least a tad. He’d enjoyed seeing you have fun more than anything. All those stories the three of you would share. Of course, nothing compared to the odd adventures Thor had over the centuries, but still entertaining nonetheless.

Once you’d made it in you pretty much skipped inside as you looked around the penthouse. “Wow is it weird that I’m surprised that he’s trusting us with this place?”

“What’s not to trust?” Banner asked with a chuckle.

“Oh, come on. This is the face of a troublemaker.” You made a kissy face at him.

He shook his head. “You look like you stay up watching Bill Nye the Science Guy.”

Your jaw dropped. “Hey! Bill Nye is a national treasure. I used to have a crush on him. I think I have a thing for nerds.” You shrugged as you walked over to the kitchen.

Thor wiggled his eyebrows at Banner before motioning at him with his head. Bruce in turn shook his head at his friend. “Just talk to her,” Thor whispered still a little too loudly.

“No,” he replied.

“Think Tony will get mad if I drink some of his wine?” You asked as you took a wine glass.

“Eh, Stark will be fine,” Thor replied. “Enjoy yourself.”

So, the three of you had settled down to watch a movie. You’d also maybe raided the pantry which led to you and Thor throwing M&Ms into each other’s mouths while Bruce munched on chips. “At least Tony let us stay in the place that has snacks.” You laughed.

“Or does he know?” Thor asked with a smirk leaning over to steal one of Bruce’s chips.

“We’re not breaking and entering, are we? Because you guys might be able to get out of it, but...”

“We’re fine,” he answered, waving you off. “This is like the party house.”

“Yeah and where he goes when he wants to snack away from Pepper,” Bruce said with a smirk on his face.

“Wow shady, Dr. Banner,” you gasped with a giggle.

He groaned. “How many times have I told you to call me Bruce.”

“What if I like it?” You teased. “Besides if I call you Bruce I’m gonna end up calling you Brucie.”

“How about you can call me whatever you want then.”

You narrowed your eyes at him and he knew he was in for trouble. “Fine. What if I call you Daddy?”

For a minute, Bruce was sure his brain had short circuited. As soon as that word left your mouth, he could feel it happen. He closed his eyes for a minute. Almost like he was savoring it. He opened his mouth ready to say something witty or flirty or anything and, “Uhhhh...” It was like his voice had short circuited.

“Bruce, I’m kidding.” You laughed as you stood up, poking his shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I have to pee.”

As his friend was trying to process what had just happened, Thor sat beside staring at him with a dopey grin on his face. “I told you,” he teased waving his hands excitedly.

“She was just joking,” he quickly retorted.

Thor shook his head still absolutely beaming. “No. She’s totally into you.”

Bruce groaned because even if you were, it was still so inappropriate. “Thor, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Who’s going to stop you?” Thor shrugged. “Now fuck the twenty-five-year-old or whatever that is.”

“Thor!” Banner said, feeling himself almost lose control. The Hulk must have had a crush on you, too, because he did not like the other man talking about you like that.

Thor quickly sobered up, not meaning to push him that far. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he said.

“Is everything okay?” You asked peeking out of the bathroom. You looked a little panicked because in the few weeks you’d been helping him you’d never seen him go Hulk. This was the first time you’d even gotten a glimpse of him.

“Yeah. Just...” Thor looked at Bruce. “Give us a minute, Sweetheart.”

“Okay,” you replied softly biting your lip and close the door again. You’d already been over so many evacuations plan for just in case it happened, but you kind of cared about him so it would be kinda hard to see him like that.

“You okay?”

Bruce had his eyes closed and nodded. “No. I’m fine. I just... he wanted to come out and play a little.”

“You sure? We can go for a walk if you want. Clear your mind or whatever.”

He laughed. “No. I’m okay. Thanks. Y/N, you can come in!”

You peeked your head out again, looking between the two of them. “Everything cool?”

“Yeah, we’re good,” Bruce answered feeling a little bad if he’d scared you. 

You came back over and took a seat on the couch that was across from them. Like you weren��t sure if you should get close. 

“Y/N, you can sit here,” he said, looking down at your former spot on the floor. 

You knew he hadn’t done it on purpose, but this kind of felt like a command and you found yourself complying. You weren’t even sure if it was from what’d just happened or from the daddy thing. “Okay,” you replied softly, making your way over.

You sat criss cross applesauce in between them. Thor peeked out from over the top of your head, staring him down. ‘Do it,” the god mouthed to him. You looked over and groaned. “Shoot forgot to get more wine,” you said standing up again.

“Banner, be a man,” Thor mumbled.

“I could say the same thing for you.” 

“I am a man. I would have kissed her already. Taken control. Like a man.”

“I don’t want to scare her off.”

“So, you do like her!” Another grin grew on his face. “I told you.”

Bruce groaned softly. “Why would I want to do that with you here anyway?”

“Just trust me on this,” he replied as you walked up with another glass. They probably should have stopped you because by now you were pretty tipsy.

“Ohh, trust you with what?” You asked, sitting back in your spot.

“Nothing,” Banner replied. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does, but he won’t admit it.” Thor added with a dramatic sigh. 

You scrunched up your face in this cute pout as you got on your knees to wrap your arms around Bruce’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Brucie. I won’t let Thor bully you.”

Thor was so giddy. 

Your breasts were so close to his face. “I thought you were supposed to call me Daddy?” He asked, looking up at you.

You got back on your knees your arms still around him. “Bruce! You’re so bad.” He could have done it. Just moved a little bit closer. Instead he froze again. 

At that exact moment. While you were waiting right there. For him to just move closer to you. To connect your lips. His fucking phone rang. He groaned, resting his head against your shoulder. He dug it into his pockets to answer it. “Fucking Tony.”

You retracted your arms as he got up to take it. You leaned back resting your ass on your heels. “What, Tony?” He said a little harshly into the phone after he’d made it into the hallway.

“Where’d you put my wrench?” He asked and Bruce could hear the clattering of things being moved in the background. 

“Seriously? This is what you’re calling me about?” Bruce laughed sarcastically.

“I texted you, but you never got back to me. I knew you three were out on your date thing.”

“It’s not a date, we’re just hanging out,” Bruce replied clearing his throat. “Why would you call it a date?”

“Yeah, whatever. Keep lying to yourselves. Anyway, where’s my wrench?”

It took a minute, but he’d finally found it and he was hoping he could get back to where the two of you were a moment ago. 

It didn’t even make any sense. He was a fifty-year-old man, he shouldn’t have even been trying anything with you. Yet there he was ready to risk it all. For as Thor kept putting it, twenty-five-year-old pussy.

Of course, though, Bruce had the worst luck in the world. Between the Hulk and that whole thing. Making Ultron. Yeah, he’d fucked up a few times. Apparently walking away from you was one because there you were with his one of his best friends making out with you just like how he was supposed to.

Thor pulled away from your mouth to start kissing her neck. His hand went to one of her breasts. You looked up at him with this troublemaker eyes. “I told you to be a man, Bruce,” Thor said, in between nips on your skin. “So, I’m showing you how.”

He could feel his face getting hot. Like the big guy was threatening to come. He didn’t want you to see him like that, but as you stood up you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“It’s okay. I have enough holes for the both of you.”

His jaw dropped, but he couldn’t respond as you’d already smashed your lips into his. Your mouths worked together. His hands stayed at his side as you pushed him back until he could sit on the couch.

You climbed on his lap. Straddling him as his hands went to your ass like it was an instinct. He could pretty much hear the Hulk actually giving him kudos for doing it.

“See how much better that is,” Thor said sitting next to the two of you as he started kissing your neck.

Bruce thought for a minute. He should be telling Thor to go away, but the fertility god was just trying to help him out. Maybe he could play and not really touch.

“Brucie,” you moaned as he started to trail down your neck with his lips.

“Been teasing me all night. Haven’t you?” He said, into your ear.

You nodded with a chuckle as you started to roll your hips against him. He moaned into your neck as he cupped the bottom of your ass. You gasped, “Daddy.”

His dick rubbed into you in the most delicious way. Fuck he felt so damn good. “That’s such a good girl,” Thor said, coming to sit the beside of you.

“Thor!” Bruce pulled away.

Thor rolled his eyes. “Stop making this weird.”

You laughed grabbing the man who’s lap you were currently on top of. “It’s okay,” you said in such a cute way, your body perking up.

He sighed before looking at Thor who started to kiss your neck again. You didn’t even give him a chance to think as you smashed your lips against his. It didn’t take long for that to become his focus.

One of them started to pull your shirt up making the other follow. You helped them as you pulled it from your body, lifting it over your head. They kissed the tops of your breasts as Thor reached behind to undo your bra. “Look at these beautiful fucking tits,” Thor said licking your nipple.

Banner went back up to your lips, grabbing your ass with so much more force. Suddenly Bruce stood up with you wrapped around his waist. Ended up dropping you so your back was against the couch. You squealed then laughed as he started kissing you again.

There was still enough room between the two of you to where Thor could fondle you and kiss your neck. Honestly you felt like a fucking goddess with the two of them worshipping you like that.

You started to undo Banner’s shirt needing so much more. He helped to undo the rest while you reached forward to unfasten his belt. He was quick to help so you could start to work off your own pants.

It all happened so quickly. Before he knew it the both of you were naked and you were ready for him to fuck you. “Please,” you whined.

“What do you want?” He asked.

“For you to fuck me.”

Just like that he slammed into you, not being able to wait anymore. Fuck it had felt so good. He’d been wanting to do this ever since you started coming around. All that pent-up sexual frustration.

The noises coming out of your mouth were perfect. He couldn’t believe he was finally inside of you. “Yes,” you moaned.

Thor had taken his dick from his pants as he watched the two of you. Bruce never thought he’d find himself here. Fucking you with his best friend stroking himself as he watched. It was probably hotter than any porn he’d ever watched.

“Harder,” you whimpered.

“Fuck her like a man, Banner,” Thor groaned. “Like the slut she is.”

“Yes,” you mewled.

Banner groaned before pulling out of you. “Turn over.” He demanded.

You did as you were told, flipping onto your stomach so your ass was in the air. He wasted no time in slamming into you making you yelp. “That’s good, Banner. Fuck her just like that.” Thor reached out to stroke your cheek. “You look so beautiful getting your cunt stuffed.”

You moaned looking up at the god with big doe eyes. The way you were biting your lip. Banner honestly felt intoxicated just from being inside of you. As he worked his hips back and forth while you worked back against him, he honestly felt like he’d died and went to heaven. Even Hulk was giving him props.

“That’s it,” Thor groaned as you finally put your mouth on his dick. As much as he was trying to resist it before, it was kind of hot to see you getting your face fucked by Thor as he fucked your pussy. 

“I’m gonna cum,” you moaned taking your mouth off of Thor. Bruce rubbed your clit making trying to coax it out.

You tightened around him. He honestly felt like you were trying to milk his dick. “That’s it,” he groaned. “Cum for me, Baby. Be a good girl and cum for Daddy.”

His words made you explode because you were not prepared for him to say anything like that. Banner pulled out of you helping you flip back over onto your back. He once again wasted no time to enter your overly sensitive pussy.

You scratched his back and he noted that it was probably his favorite feeling. The way you raked your nails up and down. “Oh, Daddy.”

“That’s a good girl,” he groaned.

Thor got on his feet so he could get access to your mouth once again. You turned your head, ready to serve. “Thor!” Banner groaned.

“It’s okay,” you moaned. “I like it. And, look at how pretty it is.”

“See, Banner. It’s okay.” Thor moaned feeling your tongue back on him.

Besides it felt kind of good to be this desired. As a woman of science there was something so hot about Bruce Banner fucking the shit out of you while your mouth was full of dick from an alien god king. This was like your dream come true.

Though hesitant at first, Bruce was finding himself enjoying seeing your mouth be used by Thor at the same time as he fucked you. The way you licked it like he was your favorite popsicle before taking into your mouth. He could tell you were having a little trouble me multitasking since you kept pulling away from Thor to moan.

“Fuck, Daddy!” You whined having to pull away from the other dick once again. Your head was swimming because it was almost too much, but you were determined to please.

“Ah, ah, ah, Pet, I didn’t tell you to stop,” Thor scolded grabbing the puff of hair on top of your head so he could push back into your mouth. Even at the strange angle you were sucking his dick like a perfect little cocksucker.

It honestly looked so good. Seeing you moan as you tried to keep up. Bruce’s mouth was practically watering as he looked down at your spread-out legs and the way you attempted to take his best friend down your throat. He wasn’t sure if you could because Thor was as big as he looked like he’d be. Then again seeing you choke on him sounded kind of hot.

Slobber drooled down your chin. You were making such a mess, but it looked like that had been exactly what you’d set out to do. Bruce had only seen blowjobs that sloppy in porn. “That’s such a good girl,” Thor groaned. “Look at that. Doesn’t she look so pretty like this.”

“So pretty,” Bruce grunted as he fucked you getting more on your body now. He buried his head into your neck as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

You were slurping on Thor’s dick and fuck you were so wet. How was your pussy so damn wet. “Been teasing me all this time, huh. How long you been wanting this? Is that why you applied for the internship? So, you could take my dick?” He angled his hips in a way so that he could go deeper. His cock surrounded by your spongy walls.

As much as you’d fantasizes a long time about him, you never thought it’d be like this. Fuck were you pleasantly surprised.

“Answer me, Honey,” he said, looking back up at you.

Thor’s hand was still gripped in your hair and he forced you off of him long enough for you to speak. Except at that moment you finally reached your breaking point cumming around him. You felt yourself milk his dick and all he did was keep fucking you. “Yes!” You cried. “Fuck me, Daddy!” You begged.

“Such a good girl,” Thor cooed before shoving himself back inside your mouth.

You moaned around him. All that spittle on your face. Bruce wanted to kiss you so bad, but considering your mouth was a little preoccupied he hesitated. It did look good, though. He glanced up at Thor who was mostly watching you take him like a good girl.

He noticed Bruce’s eyes on him before looking down at him with this slight smirk, shrugging his shoulders. As a god and until recently a prince, he had no shortage of lovers. This meant from different beings to whomever. Men or women or anything else. So, with the way Bruce was looking at him, he wasn’t really shocked.

Bruce on the other hand had only been with a handful of women. As Thor’s thick cock was just right there in front of him with your lips sucking at it, he felt like he couldn’t help himself as he leaned forward to lick what you hadn’t been able to fit into your mouth.

Thor hissed at feeling your mouth and his tongue now added. “Fuck,” he said under his breath.

You smiled around the dick in your mouth and pulled out with a giggle. “Daddy!” You squealed. Bruce blushed, pulling way. You leaned into him to connect your lips with his. He stopped moving and instead held you there. “It’s okay. I’m having so much fun.”

“Me, too,” he said, his face still red.

“Banner, it’s okay,” Thor said, rubbing the other man’s salt and pepper curly hair. 

Bruce found it more comforting than he even expected before lifting away from you so he could lick it again, tasting the saltiness. You moaned underneath him connected your lips to his neck. “Don’t stop, Daddy,” you whispered in his ear before nibbling along his earlobe.

He ground himself, starting to move his hips again. This time fucking you with slower, deeper thrusts. This tingle that had already built up inside of you grew more intense. He was working your pussy so fucking good. Then seeing him do that you could feel a new orgasm building up inside of you.

“Help me, Baby,” Bruce said.

Thor smiled because he was happy to see the teamwork. Besides two mouths were definitely better than one. “That’s it.”

“Fuck you’re gonna make me cum again,” your voice shook as you suddenly clung to him. This one was definitely going to be more intense. 

You squealed out your moans opening your mouth before biting down on your lip only for your jaw to drop again. You lip quivered into a pout while your brows tensed up. He couldn’t help it has he mesmerized the little details. Noticing how your eyes got so desperate looking. And it was for him. For what he was doing to you. Of course, you’d clearly enjoyed what Thor had done to your mouth, but he was the one fucking you into two orgasms one right after the other.

“That’s it, pretty girl, cum for Daddy,” he grunted because he could feel himself ready to also cum inside that pretty pussy. “Want Daddy to cum all in this pussy?”

You nodded, but you were so sensitive at this point because your orgasm was intense. Bruce quickly followed behind unloading into you. Tremors ran through your body as your eyes closed.

When Bruce looked down to see he immediately got off of you. “Shit, Y/N,” he said, he rubbed your cheek. “Hey, hey,” he talked to you ever so softly.

Thor got down next to you. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

You wrapped your arms around him and he hugged you back tightly, kissing your temple. Bruce rubbed got down beside him, so he could rub your back. “I’m sorry. It was just a lot.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Bruce said. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No.” You laid back down as Thor kissed your forehead.

“Why don’t we go lay down?” Thor suggested.

“That’s a good idea,” Bruce said, grabbing your hand and kissing your knuckles.

Thor carried you to one of the many bedrooms. Your legs wrapped around his waist; chin perched on his shoulder. Bruce trailed behind watching the glazed look in your eyes.

As Thor laid you down, he made sure the blankets were pulled over you before kissing the top of your head again. “Comfortable?”

“Mhm,” you answered contently.

“Need anything?” Bruce asked. “Water? Pretty sure we’ve been through most of the snacks.”

“Can you lay down with me?” You asked looking between them with big eyes and a pout. Thor grinned before getting in beside you, Bruce quickly doing the same. You got snuggly between them. Thor against your backside and Bruce in front of you so you could wrap your arms around them.

You were enjoying the closeness of them. They would kiss you softly wherever they could reach and traced their fingertips on your skin. All the affection was making you feel like you’d settled into his haze.

Thor tickled your side and you giggled trying to get closer to Banner. “Daddy, tell him to stop.”

Bruce chuckled and kissed your nose. “Is Thor teasing you, Baby?”

“I’m the tease?” Thor gasped. “I’m the one who didn’t even get to cum and somehow I’m the tease?”

You laughed. “I’m sorry.”

“You will be sorry,” he said, as he brought his hands further down over your butt, squeezing your flesh.

The jealousy Banner would have felt earlier was gone. Instead replaced with curiosity over what he could possibly do to her. The anticipation was making him hard all over again.

“Daddy!” You gasped; eyes wide as you looked into Bruce’s. “He’s touching me!” It sounded like you were trying to tattle and Bruce couldn’t help it as he laughed.

“Oh yeah? What’s he doing?” He asked with a smirk on his face.

Thor had lifted your leg up so he could stuff his large fingers into your cunt from behind. “His fingers are in my pussy,” you replied with a moan.

“Does it feel good?”

“It feels really good,” you whimpered.

Bruce chuckled as he pulled you in so he could kiss your lips again. Thor kissed your shoulder as you started to leak all over his fingers. “That’s such a good girl. Why don’t you ask Daddy if I can fuck this pussy,” he whispered in your ear, the bass of his voice sending shivers down your spine.

“Oh, Daddy, can I?” You asked.

“That’s not how you ask politely, Sweetheart,” Bruce scoffed.

You swallowed down a moan because fuck Thor was really working you over good. “Daddy, can Thor please fuck me?”

“Since you asked so nicely,” he said. He felt like he was drunk off of you. For once even Hulk was at peace.

Thor grabbed you making you face him as he kissed you greedily. You climbed on top of him straddling his waist. He grabbed your hips to lift you up and then eased you back down onto his dick.

“Oh.” Was all you could say. Your face felt hot all of a sudden. It felt like you were almost too full from him.

Bruce smiled at the dazed look on your face. You looked so beautiful. “How does it feel?”

“He’s so big,” you whimpered.

“You wanted a God’s dick baby,” Thor said beginning to move you up and down his length. “You have to take it.”

“Is it too much?” Bruce asked taking his hardening member into his hand because watching the two of you was so perfect.

“I can take it,” you whimpered through gritted teeth because you weren’t entirely sure you were telling the truth.

“That’s such a good girl,” Thor groaned. Fuck your cunt was tight. If you weren’t having such a hard time now, he would have been slamming in and out of you. Your pussy felt so damn good.

Bruce’s watched intently as the other man fucked into you. He wasn’t sure what had come over him tonight, but he doesn’t think there’s any coming back from this. “Fuck, Thor,” he groaned, “your dick is too big for her.”

“Is it too big for you, Sweetheart?” Thor asked. “Too much?”

“I promise I can take it,” you cried because you felt like you were gonna be split in two.

“You better fucking take it,” Bruce said.

Thor finally started to pick up the pace. You threw your head back, biting your lips, eyes squeezed shut with your eyebrows furrowed.

You looked so gorgeous like this and even though you’d just made Bruce cum in that pretty pussy he wanted to do it again. Thor had this smirk on his face because there was something so funny about this little human woman struggling to take him.

Thor looked at Bruce as he’d glanced over him and Bruce wasn’t sure what came over him as he pressed his own kiss to Thor’s lips. Thor always needing to dominate kissed the other man deeply tongues fighting against each other.

You finally opened your eyes noticing the change in Thor’s movements as he tried to keep up with both at the same time. You started to move your hips faster because fuck they looked hot together and even though it felt like Thor was going to break you, you needed it.

“Fu- fuck!” You yelped as your orgasm came through. Thor smacked your ass and laughed against Bruce.

“See I told you her twenty-five-year-old pussy would feel good,” Thor couldn’t help himself from saying.

“Thor!” Bruce groaned.

You stopped moving, a laugh wrecking up through your body. “What?”

Your night pretty much went the same way. Getting used by both men until you were completely tapped out. You fell asleep nestled between them as they whispered sweet nothings to you and surprisingly each other.

Bruce couldn’t believe the smile that was on his face. Whatever aftermath happens after this he could deal with it. As long as you and Thor were there. Well mostly you since Thor would have to go back to New Asgard at some point. 

—

“I don’t even know how she found out!” Tony complained to Happy for what was probably the millionth time.

The other man shrugged. “Maybe the kid let it slip?” He suggested as they finally came through the door. The both of them looked at each other as they saw the bowls of snacks around the floor and the only have drunken glass of wine.

And all the clothes.

“Who the fuck...” Tony gasped.

“I’ll do a sweep of the place,” Happy said already getting into protective mode.

Of course, Tony not being able to be patient wanted to see who the hell it was that had clearly had sex on his damn couch and didn’t even clean any of the evidence.

His jaw dropped seeing you in bed all safe and sound with Bruce. All of the irritation he felt was suddenly replaced with shock, but also relief because at least it was just Bruce. Besides he needed to get laid.

Thor came out of the bathroom at that moment, making Tony’s eyes widen as soon as he saw the god in all his naked glory. “Hi, Stark.” Thor greeted him with a grin as he went back over to the bed.

“I fucking called it!” Tony shouted, jolting the two of you awake.

You let out a scream before throwing a pillow to hit him in the face. Happy had covered his eyes because this was too much for him. “We’ll just wait outside,” he said, grabbing Tony’s shirt to yank him away.

“I knew it was a date!” He giddily yelled.

“Well, at least we don’t have to tell everyone because Tony is probably having Friday text everyone.” Thor shrugged, before scooping the both of you into his arms. Fuck, Tony. He was going back to sleep with his two small humans and then take them out for breakfast.

[fruitcoops]

okay so we all love dad dumo and he's an incredible parent but even dumo isn't perfect. Could we maybe have dumo snapping at logan (or sirius, if it strikes your fancy, but i love dumo+logan dynamics) and then apologizing for it like a parent actually f*cking should

Oof, yes. Combined with asks for Sirius and Logan bonding, as well as some pre-Cap and James. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for parental figure disappointment

The car rumbled. Dumo’s hands squeaked on the wheel as he flexed his fingers. Logan felt like he was going to throw up.

Can we turn around real quick? No, too vague. Can we go home so I can use the bathroom? No, he’ll say I can wait another ten minutes. I forgot my phone at home? No, he saw me put it in my pocket. Logan ran through every possible way of asking to go back to the Dumais house without giving away his dilemma; with each scenario, they grew further from where he needed to be.

“Hey, Dumo?” he began quietly, swallowing around his dry mouth. What was it his father always said? Honesty is the best policy. “We need to go back to your house for a moment.”

“We’re already running late,” Dumo said, not even sparing him a glance in the rearview mirror. The traffic around them was a mess. “If we go back, we’ll miss the first part of warmups.”

“I know, but it’s kind of important.”

“So is the game. If it’s your wallet, you don’t need it right—”

“I left my skates by the front door.”

Dead silence filled the car as Dumo slowed to a stop at the fourth red light. Logan’s heart sank and his stomach crawled into his throat. “What?”

“I left my skates by the front door,” he repeated, staring at his hands. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking—”

“Tabernak, Logan!” Dumo snapped. He felt something inside him wither and die. “First the nap, then forgetting to wash your jersey, and now you left your fucking skates behind? What’s going on in your head? You are an adult now with responsibilities, and it’s your job to keep track of your shit.”

“I know,” Logan said quietly.

Dumo huffed. “Clearly you don’t! Do you just not care? Is that it?”

“I care.”

“This isn’t a college team, Logan.” Dumo’s accent grew harsh around his name. It had been a bad day for him—Adele came down with a nasty cold just after Celeste left to visit her parents for the weekend, and there was always an added pressure with home games. Logan knew that, and he knew he should have been paying better attention.

“I know.”

Dumo muttered a curse under his breath and pulled onto a side road, then swore again when his duffle bag slid in the passenger seat. Logan closed his eyes; there was no way they would make it all the way to the house and back to the rink in time for pre-game rituals. Damn it, Tremblay. What were you thinking?

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Dumo parked the car with a quiet “go”, and Logan hurried inside with a slight nod to the babysitter as he grabbed his skates before slinking back to the car with his head hung low.

“I’m really disappointed in you,” Dumo said when they reached the freeway again.

“I’m sorry.”

He received no response.

They won the game despite skipping all their superstitions, no thanks to Logan. He played like shit; Arthur barely gave him four shifts the whole night. Finn shot him a concerned look as he rinsed off and slipped back into his street clothes, but Logan didn’t have the energy to confront both his best friend and the upsetting feelings connected to the aforementioned best-friend-slash-secret-crush. If he tried, he’d certainly end up doing something stupid.

He packed his things, slung his bag over his shoulder, and followed Dumo out to the car like a stray dog with his tail between his legs. “I really am—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Dumo interrupted as they pulled out of the parking lot. Logan pressed his lips together. “Are you hungry?”

Starving. “Kinda.”

“I’ll heat up some leftover lasagna when we get back to the house. Will you pay the babysitter and make sure the kids are in bed?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

Logan ground his teeth around the steady ache building in his chest—he hated disappointing people in general, but it was a whole different story with Dumo. He was his second father, the person Logan admired most on the team. He gave him a home and a substitute family to ease the homesickness, and was always there to cheer him on. And Logan let him down.

They went through their nightly routine silently, which was a sharp contrast to their usual banter. Marc and Louis refused to go to bed at first, nearly bringing Logan to tears in his frustration, but he eventually got them settled down and tucked in. By some miracle, both the girls were already asleep.

“I’m going to call Celeste,” Dumo finally said as Logan unloaded the dishwasher. He nodded without a word, not trusting his voice.

As soon as the dishwasher was full and running, Logan took his phone out and dialed the only person he wanted to hear from. It rang twice before connecting. “Hello?”

“Hey.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Hey, Cap, what’s up?”

“Not much.” Sirius sounded confused, and more than a little tired. “Ça va?”

Logan’s eyes burned. “Not bad. Do you have a minute?”

There was a rustling noise from the other end, followed by the clink of keys. “You’re at Dumo’s, right?”

“Oui.”

“I’ll be there in ten.”

“Thanks,” he managed around his tight throat. “See you soon.”

Hushed voices came from the living room and Logan padded down the hall, knocking gently on the doorframe. Dumo looked up and furrowed his brow. “Un moment, mon amour. Are you alright?”

“Sirius is coming by in ten. We’re going to hang out for a bit, if that’s okay.”

“Tell him I say hello.” Without another word, Dumo uncovered the base of his phone and returned to his conversation. Logan nodded and headed back out into the hall, swallowing down the tears forming behind his eyes.

Ten minutes turned out to be seven minutes—Logan was simultaneously flattered and concerned—and a soft knock startled him out of his thoughts. Sirius already looked worried when the front door swung open. “What happened? Is everyone okay? Did something happen to Celeste?”

“She’s fine. Dumo says hi.” And he’s horribly disappointed in me. Logan took several deep breaths through his nose to control the tremor in his voice and Sirius gave him a worried once-over. “Can we drive around for a bit?”

“Of course.”

For all of his bluster and general brooding vibe, Sirius continued to be the king of empathy and (in Logan’s opinion) a secret mind-reader. The second his arm draped across Logan’s shoulders and held him close as they walked down the sidewalk, he felt some of the pressure in his chest release. “Sorry about the late call,” he sniffled. It was a cold night—the snot threatening to drip from his nose was frigid already. “I just—I needed to get out for a minute.”

“À tout moment.” Any time. Logan didn’t feel deserving of that kindness after the mess he had been on the ice. The heaters kicked on as soon as Sirius started the car and Logan closed his eyes, leaning back into the warm seat. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“It’s so stupid.”

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

Logan took a moment to breathe before shaking his head. “I forgot my skates. We were already running late, and I forgot my fucking skates at the house.”

Sirius hummed, but said nothing.

“It’s—Dumo has been having such a horrible day.” Tears clogged his throat again. “And I took a nap earlier because I stayed up late last night like an idiot, and Adele’s sick so he had all the kids and no help while he was trying to get ready, and then I overslept so it was already going to be rushed and forgot to clean my jersey and then—and then I forgot my skates. God, I’m so stupid.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.”

“It’s not.” Logan wanted to kick him for being so infuriatingly patient. Sirius glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “That’s not why you’re upset, though.”

“He’s—” Logan broke off and swiped the first tear away with his sweatshirt cuff. “He said he was disappointed in me.”

“Ah.”

“It’s such a stupid thing to be upset about.”

Sirius sighed through his nose and pulled into the parking lot of a 24-hour Taco Bell, then turned off the car and faced Logan with one eyebrow raised. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Belittling yourself.”

“Okay, Heather,” Logan snorted. Sirius reached over and flicked him on the forehead. “Hey!”

“You forgot your skates. Big deal. We’ve all been there.”

Logan shot him a glare. “You’ve never forgotten your skates.”

“Yes, I have. My very first game with the Lions, actually. Except I didn’t realize it until we were already at the rink.”

“Did Dumo drive you back?”

“The whole damn way. He was mad as hell, but he did it.” Sirius’ face softened, and he poked Logan gently on the thigh. “Stop kicking yourself for this one. It sounds like it was a bad day for you both.”

“I still feel like shit.”

Sirius shrugged. “I bet. Disappointing Dumo is the worst feeling ever.”

“He wouldn’t even let me apologize.”

“He will.”

They sat in silence for a full minute as Logan tried to find the right words. “How did you deal with it? Letting people down. It feels like I’m drowning, sometimes.”

“Really, really poorly,” Sirius half-laughed, crossing his ankle over his knee. “It wasn’t until I was named captain that I started accepting that people weren’t lying when they forgave me for fucking up.”

“Why?”

“Believe it or not, the people I was around as a kid didn’t make a habit of apologizing to me when they did something wrong.”

Logan looked up from the faded letters on his sweatshirt sleeve and sniffled. “Thanks for bringing me out here.”

“Pas de problem. I figured you could use some company outside the house.”

“You’re the best.”

“I try.”

“You succeed.” You’re like a brother to me, actually. “Is this what James did for you?”

“No,” Sirius laughed. Affection took over his face, bright even in the dim light from the streetlamps. “No, he snuck me onto the roof of the rink with massive amounts of junk food and stayed with me until the imposter syndrome faded. It was fantastic, but we nearly got hypothermia several times in the winter. This is much more comfortable.”

“Thanks for helping me keep all my fingers and toes,” Logan said wryly. He lapsed back into silence and folded his forearms on the dashboard, sighing at the pleasant stretch of his back. “I know I have to go back eventually, but I’m scared.”

“Honestly, Logan, I bet he’s already forgiven you. He knows it was an accident.”

“But what if he doesn’t?” The words came out as little more than a whisper. Sirius’ hand rested hesitantly between his shoulder blades until Logan leaned back into it, then began rubbing gentle circles.

“He does,” Sirius said softly. “And he loves you so much.”

Logan sniffed back more tears. “Really?”

“Ouais. You’ve been living with him for nine months now, and he’s so proud of how far you’ve come.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he told me. Last week, after your hat trick. People fuck up, Logan, but that doesn’t mean they’re unforgivable. You don’t need to flay yourself for one bad day.”

Logan shut his eyes with a slow exhale and buried his face in his forearms. “I think I’m ready to go back now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“D’accord. Buckle your seatbelt.”

He straightened up and stretched, wincing at the crack of his back. Sirius drove out of the parking lot and hummed under his breath to the radio, but Logan didn’t miss the careful glances out of the corner of his eye. “You don’t need to worry about me,” he finally said. “I’ll be okay.”

“I know,” Sirius said casually, though he looked like he was holding something back. Logan didn’t press; Sirius would talk in his own time if he wanted to. He opened his mouth, paused, then sighed. “But I do worry about you.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

Thank you, Captain Black, for the most media answer of all time. “You really don’t have to.”

Sirius parked the car and leaned his head back against the seat. “You’re my friend, and I care about you, so I worry.”

Logan blinked at him. “You care about me?”

“Obviously,” Sirius muttered. Even in the darkness of the street, his cheeks were pink. “Now go on, you've got someone waiting for you.”

“I care about you, too.”

“Out of my car, Tremblay.” Despite his words, a smile quirked at the corner of Sirius’ mouth. Logan socked him lightly on the arm and opened the door, shivering in the night air as it bit through his hoodie.

“Drive safe, Cap.”

“I will.”

The walk to the front door felt less like a trip to the gallows and more like coming home; Logan felt his muscles relax, and saw the curtains shift as someone moved away from the window. Dumo opened the door before he could even knock.

“I’m sorry,” they said in unison. Logan raised his eyebrows and Dumo opened the door the rest of the way, ushering him inside.

The moment the door closed behind him, Dumo wrapped him in a hug. “I’m so sorry for what I said earlier, Logan. You made a mistake, and I shouldn’t have come down hard on you.”

“I’m sorry I made us late,” Logan said into his soft shirt. “And for not helping earlier. It won’t happen again.”

“All is forgiven.” Dumo patted him on the back of the shoulder and held him at arm’s length with a sad smile. “I should have kept a better handle on my temper. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that.”

Logan bit back the urge to say it’s okay or I deserved it and instead pulled him in for another hug. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I didn’t realize how much you’ve helped me until today.”

Dumo made a quiet sound and held him tighter. “It’s a gift to have you here.”

Logan squeezed his eyes shut as a wave of emotion rolled in his heart. “There is nowhere I would rather be,” he whispered. They stayed like that for a long moment, swaying slightly, before Dumo stepped back.

“Get some rest. We have early practice tomorrow.” He mussed Logan’s hair and gave him a nudge toward the stairs. “Bonne nuit, mon fils.”

Mon fils. Logan’s breath caught for a second and he smiled. “Bonne nuit.”

[thesedangeroustemptations]

Baki Boy’s and a fearless/overly-outspoken s/o

Hi y’all! This is my very first headcanon and it’s something that just came to mind while insomnia decided sleep wasn’t allowed. Some are going to have a S/O who speaks out and acts the way they do due to past feelings of restriction and inability to do so, and some are just personality traits in general so a small TW is in order I suppose. I hope you all like it! 

Baki: 

At first, he had no idea how to deal with that. He was used to Kozue who would only ever speak on her feelings when pressed for them, so when he saw his S/O immediately snap back at Yujiro for his comments and general way of being unprompted, he felt a bit of fear for their safety but also a swelling of pride began to grow in his chest. 

He knew they were free spirited and spoke their mind from the beginning, what was apart of what drew Baki to them in the first place, but in the face of The Ogre? 

He was shocked to say the least and every alarm in his head was going off to get them out of there before they ended up dead, but Yujiro simply laughed, smirked at his son and gave him a dark warning.

“Don’t let them bark harder than you can bite, that might just be what puts them down.”

The longer that they spent together, the more accustomed to their general ease with saying whatever floated through their head at the time, and lack of care for the outcome of what was said/done. 

This has lead to more than a few occasions where Baki has had to pick them up and sprint away from the situation to keep from having to beat someone’s face into an unrecognizable pulp the second an advance was made in the direction of his S/O.

He comes to appreciate their honesty and finds it easier to be around them compared to other people due to the low probability of them hiding anything from him, and it being far easier for him to tell when something is wrong.

Will ask their opinions when making big decisions because he knows they have no fear going forward in life and will tell him their exact thought process regardless of whether it fits with what he’s wanting. To them, it’s what’s best not what is wanted if you’re asking their opinion.

Would support them saying whatever is on their mind/heart, but worries for their safety when he isn’t around to watch out for them.

Loves them for them regardless of if they lack the ability to keep their feelings to themselves while Baki himself is rather reserved.

Jack:

To say he was surprised to have this tiny (anything is compared to him-) individual he hadn’t seen before snap at him for hogging the bench press during his routine workout at his favored gym would be an understatement. 

The man was an absolute giant who towered over even the tallest of men and could easily break most in half, yet here this tiny firecracker was getting angry at him. An interesting development indeed.

From then on, he set out to make it his mission to get to know this unique person. For someone to get his eye off of getting stronger and defeating his father is an award all it’s own, but for him to actively chase them was an entirely different thing. 

Does eventually win them over through a mixture of gentlemanly behavior and healthy sarcasm, while proving he’s a trustworthy person to hold their heart and guard it.

Jack found himself growing protective over them when he witnessed them exchanging heated words followed by blows over a dispute in a bar he miraculously found himself at the same time as them.

He decided that moment he was going to make them his, and he was going to keep them safe forever, especially from Yujiro. 

Hundred percent would do his best to keep them separate, but Yujiro, being Yujiro, would find a way to make his son’s life harder and intervene, belittling him in some way around his S/O and that would be the end of it. 

Jack thought he had seen them go off before? Oh, no, no. Not when it came to someone they care about deeply. They started spewing every insult they could think of at the red-headed Hanma giant, feeling not an ounce of fear in their body- that’s because all of it entered Jack’s the moment they opened their mouth.

Used every bit of endurance he built up to grab them and run as far as he could in as quick a pace as possible to get them to safety. 

Knows there’s no way he can change them, and that he wouldn’t want to. Their outspokenness was what made him fall for them after all. 

Katsumi:

This man has a thing for outspoken S/O who takes charge, he may seem like an alpha male but he would instantly fold the moment his beloved gives him the look. Is not to afraid to admit this and chalks it up to his love and respect for their opinions. 

Instantly fell for them the moment they entered Shin Shin Kai in a full-blown fit, eyes raging, nostrils slightly flaring and sights set on a member of his class. Obviously they did something wrong, but when he approached to find out exactly what was going on as any teacher would, he was instantly shut down. 

“I’m not here for you, so if you don’t want your head bit off, I’d stay the fuck out of my way”

Needless to say, he was intrigued at this type of response from someone so much smaller than him, in his own father’s dojo, and after a few more prodding questions and standing in the way of what they wanted, he got the answers he was wanting as to what was going on. 

Being the relatively peaceful guy he was, Katsumi managed to calm down the situation while somehow getting a date out of the whole scenario.

 Everyone thought he was crazy for wanting to go out with someone as outspoken and rude like that, but he saw beyond that. He could see there was someone fearless and thoughtful under there, and he wanted to see what else was buried beneath the surface. 

Man, was it worth it. They didn’t fear anything it seemed, always willing to try new activities with Katsumi and his friends, be it new roller-coaster to cliff-jumping on their days off at the ocean, it didn’t matter. They were always up for it, the acts seemingly bringing them closer each time. 

He grew to love and respect them greatly, reminding them daily how much he admires their ability to speak their mind without fear and has no issue setting anyone straight regardless of who it is.

Would never admit it to their face or out loud but he really worries about them when he’s gone, knowing that not everyone can see the kind person they are inside and could easily take their words or actions the wrong way.

One of the few who actually trains his S/O in martial arts, even just the basics, to keep themselves safe when he isn’t around. 

Doyle: 

Oh boy. 

This idiot would be voted most likely to attempt to kill his S/O for opening their mouth about how he doesn’t seem as tough as everyone is making him out to be. 

Has the hardest time out of all of the men to adapt to having a S/O who speaks whatever comes in their mind and letting him know exactly what they think of his actions, good or bad. This is not something he is used to and not being able to just leave or kill the person saying it was something that was completely new to him. 

Would be the definition of opposites attract. Doyle is known for being more reserved, keeps things to himself and generally reminds others of a cat with his observant and quiet behavior. In comes his lover who is open about her thoughts and feelings regardless of who asks, will shout and loudly express themselves when upset or frustrated, and is basically a dog personified. 

Doyle catches himself watching their surroundings more cautiously when they go out due to not knowing exactly what is going to slip out of his lovers mouth, and being fully prepared to cut the tongue out of anyone who dared breath in their direction wrong.

Eventually he learns what will set off his S/O quicker and what is the best ways to calm them down when they are feeling like they need to be heard about a certain scenario. 

He’s a very observant man, and when spending nearly everyday with a person he cares for, he will swiftly find ways to make things easier for them without their noticing. He can’t have them thinking he cares too much. 

Around the other inmates or Yujiro Hanma is the only time Doyle feels any inclination of fear, prompting a fight, flight, or freeze response to which he typically chooses the middle option with his S/O in toe. 

He would rather be viewed as a coward for fleeing with what is his than lose it because they don’t have the ability to keep their damn mouth shut for someone looking at either of them wrong. 

Would enjoy having a S/O who expresses what they’re feeling, but would hope for one who had some sentiment of common sense so he didn’t have to constantly worry. 

Retsu: 

Probably handles them the best out of all of the boys to be honest. 

Is used to hotheaded and outspoken people himself already (*cough* Katsumi *cough*), while also having been one in his past, Retsu is the most suited to dealing with their outbursts and reckless actions due to a lack of fear. 

Likely met his S/O while in Japan for the Maximum Tournament and overheard them going off in the distance about something that was a passion of theirs that they felt had been disrespected. 

Retsu could relate given his overprotective nature in regards to his Chinese Kenpo, so when he saw them chest to chest, red-faced and still going at it while showing no signs of backing down, he knew he had to step in and defuse the situation before their beautiful/handsome face was ruined over an argument.

Has no problem with letting them rant and rave about things their passionate about or that bothered them throughout the day/week that they managed to hold in for Retsu’s sake.

Expresses his feeling the easiest out of the men except for possibly a tie with Baki, so makes it known that he worries for their safety and wants them to try their best to keep it together while they’re apart, being rewarded with whatever treat they would like followed by cuddles and a venting session. 

Comes up with different means for them to let out their frustrations with the world without having to blow up on everyone/everything that upsets them; i.e. gives them swearing coloring books to create art out of every swear word/insult they could think of.

Doesn’t want his S/O to keep things inside or to change, he just simply wants them to learn there is a time and a place for going off about things you’re passionate about, but when faced with the strongest being in the world? That is not the time, and even someone like Retsu, who believed that nothing could beat Chinese Kenpo, could recognize that.  

If things ever got heated out in public and his S/O began to argue with another person, don’t think for a second that Retsu wouldn’t break a man’s jaw for talking to his love with any kind of bass in their voice.

Loves and accepts his S/O for who they are, but is likely to help try and gently mother hen them into channeling that into a healthier outcome. 

[dyns33]

The Tiger and the Rabbit entry : 

Citra was a bitch, so it seemed normal that her mate was a dog.

But she wasn't a real bitch. No, the high priestess was a serpent.

A snake and a dog, it might not have worked, but it was not abnormal. Little and medium beasts.

His sister was very good at turning all the men around her into dogs, brave and faithful little doggies who blindly obeyed her.

Brainless pendejos, who only thought with their dicks.

Vaas had been blinded too, but because she was his sister, joder, and he wanted to make her happy, like a good brother.

The problem was, there were too many dogs on this fucking land. And a lot of them were related to reptiles, so it was hard to know which one was the right one. It wasn't even sure that her mate would ever come to the island. It was not as unique as a tiger with a rabbit.

Citra was very saddened by this, but a mate was not enough anyway. Nothing was ever enough for her.

She wanted everyone to love her and fall at her feet. Everyone.

           "Vaas, you don't need a bunny. A bunny ! That ridiculous little thing isn't worthy of you. You're a tiger, you deserve a more... exceptional mate."

           "Like a shark or a bear ?"

He didn't like where this conversation was going.

           "... Vaas. Together we are stronger. Masters of the world. We can create great things."

           "I'm sure hermanita."

Yeah. Hermanita. Little sister. A sister does not fuck with her brother. He hoped she had understood that correctly.

           "You are a great warrior. A tiger is stronger than a dog. Your children will be powerful."

Mierda.

It was hard to realise that his sister was completely crazy. A real freak. He had really loved her, he really wanted things to turn out differently.

Vaas thought they were stupid, but he felt a little sorry for the poor dogs who crossed her path. Citra didn't like being told no.

Even though he expected her to be angry after his refusal, he didn't think she would attempt to burn his mark and then slice off his skull. Yeah, the Queen of the bitches.

Unlike her, Vaas was very happy to have one mate, only one.

It was not a problem if they were a little rabbit. He didn't fucking care.

He wasn't what people could call a romantic, he had had partners, he wasn't going to wait and stay a virgin, but...

When he thought of his conejita, destined to be his forever, to love him, with whom he could have children. It was nice.

Not necessarily very possible on the island, with his pirate life, but it was a nice dream.

He still thought about it when Y/N slept against him, or when they ran into the jungle together.

The little rabbit was leaping between his paws, and he was tempted to open his mouth and grab her. She would be a little scared, even knowing that he wasn't going to bite her, but only carry her like a baby, purring like a mad motherfucker.

If they had babies, would they be rabbits or tigers ? Something else ? Oh, to have a family of little rabbits.

           "Little you hiding around the camp. Dios mío. A real nightmare Jefe."

           "Shut up Carlos !"

           "But, mini Vaas. They would destroy everything."

           "Yeah, my niños will be real little monsters, strong and powerful. Even if they're rabbits. So watch your sorry ass hermano."

Y/N never talked about having children. The bunny was smart. She also knew it wasn't a good idea here. Too dangerous.

Citra would try to take the little ones and kill them, no doubt.

And if she did mention it, his conejita might give him ideas. He thought about it, he dreamed about it, but as long as she didn't talk about it, it was just a fantasy.

She was not like Citra at all. She was careful, but she didn't manipulate him, she didn't ask him crazy or impossible things, and she seemed quite happy with him.

It was not always easy to make her happy, locked in a pirate camp in the middle of a jungle, on a crazy island, but Vaas was doing his best.

So far, she hadn't tried to run away. The only time she could have had a chance, she had come back.

The best day of his fucking life.

Well, sometimes she would ask if they would ever go away together, but Y/N wasn't stupid, she knew the answer. Even when Vaas would be too old for this bullshit, he wouldn't want to leave. It was his island.

           "... Or else we'll burn everything before we go." he mumbled once, a bit drunk, while he was hugging her. "Then we'll go make baby rabbits wherever you want. You'll be my island. Mi isla."

           "That would be wonderful Vaas."

           "Bebé conejitos, mi cielo. Lleno de conejitos ! En todas partes ! El mundo lleno de conejitos ! Nuestros hijos! Oh, amor mío, eso será demasiado bueno !"

Vaas would fall asleep, purring, dreaming of rabbits and baby tigers populating the island and destroying everything, as Carlos had said.

Hoyt, Buck, and Citra were dead. He and his bunny could do whatever they wanted and it was really wonderful.

One day, maybe. He had to kill the bitch and the other fuckers first. One day.

[asterekmess]

Did you ever watch Buffy? The first episode where Anya was introduced was titled "The Wish" and all I can think about is if Scott McCall had ever run into a pure Sidhe where they offered him a wish. Instead of, "I wish Buffy had never come to Sunnydale." It would be more, "I wish I was never bitten to become a werewolf." But just like all feaye tricks, the outcome is more, his Dad ended up with primary custody rather than his Mom and he was forced to leave BH. And then Stiles ended up more friends with Heather and others. And while Scott's life is worse, when he tracks down the others he finds all of theirs are greatly improved.

I think about it a lot and how Scott never really dealt with the consequences of any of his actions, everyone else did, and how an episode or mini-arc could have fixed a flaw in the show's design. I mean, we were already dealing with a lot of Celtic lore, why not someone from the Sidhe courts?

I have no idea why this took me so long to answer, so apologies for that. <3 I did watch buffy! I've seen all of it, and all of Angel as well. XD

I remember 'The Wish' episode, and whoooo boy it gave me chills. I loved how big the butterfly effect was, how something that seemed so small, something that Genuinely seemed to be the cause of a lot of problems in Sunnydale, ended up being so important to how things had progressed. Because, yeah, you would think Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a Good Thing, right? Sunnydale didn't have all of these insane issues before she arrived. It was quiet, and nothing big or scary ever happened. Her arrival matches perfectly with when everything started going absolutely nuts, so whatever selfish ideas Cordelia had, her thought that Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a good thing, makes sense. Except that, as she finds out, she's entirely wrong. Buffy's arrival was a lucky coincidence, or fate, whatever your taste leans toward. She showed up right as things started going nuts, and she kept it from going SO MUCH MORE NUTS.

Now, moving on to TW, it is a fascinating mix of being the Exact same situation, and the exact Opposite. I'll add a Read More, cus' holy god is this a lot of Rambling.

Because Scott wishing not to have been bitten...yeah, the bite Did improve things. But it improved things for him. He would absolutely regret making the wish, just like Cordelia did, because he would realize how many good things the bite had brought with it. BUT, conversely, he would have to realize how many good things the bite had brought for him, not for other people, and how their lives either wouldn't have been affect, or might've even Improved without him being bitten. Without the bite, Scott wouldn't have gotten on first line, period. His health issues made very clear in the five minutes he had them that any kind of stamina based sport was just out of the question for him. If he is unable to walk through the woods at a moderate pace without needing to grab his inhaler and stop against a tree, he just plain cannot play lacrosse for two or three hours of running at high speeds and working a bunch of muscles in his upper body. He likely wouldn't have gone out with Allison, because he would have no convenient way to get her attention. Furthermore, he wouldn't have the extra senses that both impressed her on the lacrosse field, and told him about her 'family dinner' the night of Lydia's party. (I've discussed this before, but... While it's true, Allison would have still brought him the dog; that dog would likely have attacked him, and his chances with her would have been shot in the foot when they both got in massive trouble and he likely had to go to the ER for stitches or something. Without Allison or first line, he wouldn't have started hanging out with the 'cool kids,' and quite frankly, wouldn't have had anyone to help him study for the classes he was struggling with. It's true that he also wouldn't have had werewolf things to worry about, or even a girlfriend to distract him from homework, so maybe that wouldn't have been such a huge issue, but still.

If we look at other people's lives and how They would have been affected by Scott not getting the bite...well, let's talk about that.

Stiles didn't get on first line because of Scott, or because of a werewolf bite. Or even because of the werewolf bullshittery occurring in town. He was put on first line because of his abilities, and even after being taken OFF first line for missing the game, he was put Right onto the field in the next game, chosen OVER other players who were perfectly viable options. Which means, he still would've ended up on first line. Allison wasn't interested in dating before she met Scott, and part of her draw to him was based on how 'different' he was. He knew things she didn't know how he could know, he had a weird ability to calm a furious, injured dog, and he had charisma that was ALSO gained from the bite, since being on first line made Scott Much more self-confident. If she didn't end up dating him, it's likely she wouldn't have dated at all. Which would mean no hiding from her parents, no strange conflicts of interest, AND, interestingly enough --depending on her involvement in the murders, etc that would still be occurring in town--no night in the school that would scare her bad enough to ask Kate for extra help and tip her headfirst into hunter training. AND, even if she DID still end up getting those lessons from Kate? There would be no bitterness to fuel her behavior at the end of season 1.

Allison was Traumatized after Kate showed her Derek on the grate. She was horrified, and didn't know what to do about it, and while we can ramble all we want about the morality of her not confronting her family (whom she's just discovered is willing to electrocute people) about it, the fact is that she pushed the thoughts aside to stop freaking out and went to that dance. Where she found out Scott was a werewolf, and was So fucking Betrayed that she was willing to help Kate catch him and Derek. No Scott, no betrayal, no willingness to help Kate recapture the miserable man who'd been chained up in a basement.

If we go back to that specific night, and try to unfold the events from there if Scott hadn't been bitten, things get a little complicated, but I'll take a few artistic liberties. Scott isn't bitten. Presumably, he just happens to get out of the woods in time, or he gets caught with Stiles by the sheriff, or doesn't go to the woods in the first place. These all change the possible outcomes of that night. If he hadn't gone in the first place, and Stiles went alone, would he have been bitten instead? Would Scott have been dragged into all of this anyway, but without the protection and boost of being a werewolf and cured of his asthma? If he weren't the one bitten, and he saw everything Stiles gained from it, would he still have such a hatred for the bite? Or would he want it, like Erica did, to cure him and make him powerful and cool? But, let's assume Stiles doesn't get bitten either. The second half of Laura's body still hasn't been found, and Stiles has no reason to fear running back into the preserve the next day, and no real punishment from his father as far as we can tell. So, does he go back to look again? If he did, he would run into Derek, because Derek would still be there after retrieving Laura's body himself. He would see Derek and still recognize him, and from there, things might spiral, still involving Stiles in the supernatural, and it's likely Stiles would try to involve Scott, and Again we get hit with "Would Scott want the bite, if he hadn't gotten forcibly bitten in the first place?" The answer is probably yes. He wanted to be cool, and popular, and on the lacrosse team. He wanted everything being a werewolf gave him. BUT if we're looking at this wish as similar to "The Wish," then no matter what, Scott won't be bitten. He'll be transported to a new world where it just never happened, and he'll be human, and forced to watch everyone around him be just plain different. Scott not being bitten would isolate him from Stiles, if Stiles got involved in the spn anyway. We SAW how Stiles cut off his other friends once the spn starting getting in the way. He and Harley? We have no clue how close they were. They were close enough for her to tease him about his crush on Lydia, for her to wander up comfortably to the locker and talk to them. And he cut her off as soon as the werewolf stuff hit. What if he cut Scott off? To protect him, if nothing else, like he did his own father. Once he realized the danger involved, I doubt he would be willing to put Scott in harm's way.

So, Scott would not only lose first line, lose his girlfriend, lose his popularity, lose his health and strength and heightened abilities, lose his 'importance' to the goings-on of Beacon Hills, but he would also lose Stiles, who seems to have been his only friend, unless he also had a relationship with Harley.

Okay, I've rambled enough about the what if's, so let's talk about the Reason why this wish would go so badly for Scott, in such a different way than it went for Cordelia. Cordelia, first off, wished that someone Else would not have/do something, rather than wishing for herself not to have done something. She watches how fucked up the world gets, and how much worse her life is without Buffy around to save the day. Scott wished for Himself not to have done something (even something passive, like 'get bitten') and would have to watch how fucked up his world gets, and how far behind he would fall. The other's lives might not necessarily get better, because Peter is still on the loose, and the hunters are still there, etc etc, but they would still Progress, while Scott would stay stagnant.

And WHY is that? Because Scott isn't important to the story. It DOESN'T start with him. That's the Whole Point of his character. He is supposed to be the 'everyman' who gets dragged into crazy shit and becomes integral to things that he wasn't ever meant to be a part of. The guy who wanders into becoming King or 'The Hero' that will save the world, even though he's just a small lad from a tiny town, whose highest prospects were "get on first line."

He was NEVER supposed to be Buffy, or if he was, it was done Very Badly.

But Beacon Hills WASN'T a quiet town before Scott was bitten; however much he might've said 'nothing ever happens in this town.' It was FULL of bullshittery and magic from the very beginning. There was the fire, and Paige, and the blinding of Deucalion, and the death of Alexander Argent, and the Nogitsune in the internment camp nearby. All of these things were around So much longer than Scott's bite, and they'd been affecting the world that whole time too. Because yes, in Buffy, the master was There before she was, but he was literally rendered inert by the situations he was in. And the things he'd done happened Centuries before, not six years. There is a difference. Sunnydale was Not Known for the insane number of weird deaths. Beacon Hills was. And aside from the Nogitsune, every single fucking thing that happened in Beacon Hills, was attuned to the Hale family in one way or another. Deucalion's blinding occurred during a meeting on Hale land, because Talia was known as a wise leader, etc, in the area and other wolves flocked to her. Deucalion biting Argent seems unrelated (if you even believe Deucalion did that, despite being a fucking pacifist before Gerard blinded him), but again, it occurs just a couple hours away from Beacon Hills, which is Hale Territory. The one who plays the Buffy role here? Who shows up at just the right time, and launches themself against an endless wave of evil, with slightly enhanced senses and a thorough need to do good and not back away from things that 'aren't they're problem'? The actual hero who is somehow tied to everything going on in ways even they don't understand? Was Derek. The guy who entirely unwittingly allowed Julia Baccari to survive, because he was trying to be merciful to his first love. Who entirely unwittingly was manipulated into giving up information that let a hunter kill his family. Who followed his sister back to town after six years of just trying to survive in New York, fell into a fucking tragedy, and decided to stop the bad guys anyway, even though he knew he didn't stand a fucking chance.

And as annoyed as some might get. The 'everyman' who stumbles onto the set and accidentally becomes integral to the saving of the world? The one whose ambitions are small and who expectations are smaller? Who is misunderstood, and has abilities that aren't recognized or appreciated, that doesn't really fit in, but tries their best anyway? The literal Angel to Derek's Buffy?

Is fucking Stiles. The son of the sheriff who just could not let it go when he discovered there was something funky going on. Who hung around on the edges, even though he wasn't really wanted, because he needed to help. Who ended up saving Derek's life over and over, and becoming so important as to be Derek's anchor? Who literally WENT DARKSIDE and HAD TO BE NEARLY KILLED, even though Derek didn't to kill him???

I know how it sounds, but JD SAID he took inspiration from Buffy. The issue is that his parallels are between DEREK AND STILES, and BUFFY AND ANGEL. Respectively.

Derek might act like the broody bad boy, but it is STILES' mentality that matches Angel's behavior, and it's Derek who matches Buffy.

I'm so fucking off track. Scott would be miserable if he ever managed to get a wish and used it to keep from having been bitten. And it would be sad. I would feel bad for him, had I watched something like that happen. Seeing him realize that most of the good things he had, he only got because of the bite. That Stiles would still be on first line, that Lydia and Jackson would still be the popular kids. That Allison wouldn't know he existed, or if she did would avoid him entirely. That Jackson would never have been turned into the kanima in the first place. That everyone else would move on and up in life, and he would still be standing at the bottom step. Because it wasn't his actual limitations that were holding him back, it was his refusal to accept them, to work with them, and to just plain stop Envying Everyone Around him, and start living his own fucking life instead of trying to steal other people's.

Scott wishes he were Cordelia, and I promise that would backfire too.

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

My Liability, My Deadweight

Fandom: The Chronicles of Riddick

Collection/Series: My Liability, My Deadweight

Pairing: Richard B Riddick x Female Fat + Glasses Wearing Reader

Writer: @writings-of-a-hufflepuff aka @hufflepuffing-all-day-long

Rating: T (Swearing, Riddick is Riddick, violence)

Warnings: Swearing, violence towards deadly alien creatures, violence from deadly alien creatures towards the reader

Summary: None of this was supposed to happen. You were supposed to be on a holiday resort planet, relaxing by glistening waters and forgetting your troubles. Not traipsing through a deadly jungle on an uncharted planet with a just as deadly companion who seems torn between helping you and hating you.

Notes: So I guess this is going to be similar to Western AU Din in that i’ll probably write some stuff in the same sort of world/vein as this. I’m just interested in the idea of Riddick with a reader who is the opposite of a survivalist, who isn’t fit or strong, who is scared. The idea of Furyans having mates or soulmates that they don’t really get to choose and the idea of Riddick having to come to terms with the idea that the person he wants to protect so bad needs his protection more than most is interesting to me.

This is probably such a niche thing to write, not only because the fandom is tiny, but also because people tend to write Riddick fanfic where the reader or OC is extremely capable, but I wanted to write it. So self-indulgent fic coming up.

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Kratos is a horror show of a planet. It’s the sort of planet you’d never thought you’d end up on, the sort of planet that you saw on horror vids and read about in the tales of survivors of tragedy. You weren’t supposed to be on it. You were just on a short trip, just supposed to go to a stupid holiday planet, at the insistence of your boss that you needed a break from your desk, that you worked too hard. You were a city slicker, an urban citizen, not an outdoorsman or an adventurer, certainly not the sort of person who’d come to a planet like this. But, your pilot had needed to make a stop, said there was a problem with the fuel cells that he needed to check out. So you’d made a pit stop on a barely charted planet. Nothing good ever happens on a barely charted planet. 

Covered in dense, muggy jungle, the planet would have been beautiful had it not been trying to kill you and your, for want of a better word, companion at every turn. It was covered in vibrant green forest, tropical plants, exotic and brightly coloured flowers (many of which, it turns out, were deadly themselves). There were brightly coloured bird-like creatures and primitive mammals that scurried through the trees and across the ground. It would have been beautiful, except for the limp in your walk from the burning claw marks deep in your thick thigh, except for the blood that followed in your wake, the dead bodies of the crew you’d left behind, and the yellow eyes that seemed to follow the two of you under the dark canopy.

After a stupid decision by your group to go out into the jungle to try and find a settlement of some sort, just because it had seemed like (as if there was any real reason to leave), you’d been picked off one by one. You could only describe the beasts as fucked up panthers. Two tails with stingers at the end, sharp spindly spines along their backs, an elongated neck, venomous fangs and sharp teeth and claws. They were hard to spot, silent in the underbrush and decidedly and most definitely deadly. The only reason you were still even alive was because of Riddick, because for some unknown reason the man, the murderer, had decided to stick close to you, like glue. You weren’t complaining.

At the time of boarding the ship for your trip it had seemed horrifying, to know that you were travelling on the same transport as Richard B. Riddick, escaped convict, known murder, predator. He was the sort of man your parents whispered about, the sort of man that you never wanted to meet. He was someone from your worst nightmare. Now he is your saving grace and surprisingly not what you had expected of a notorious big bad. While he meets many of your expectations, crude at times, harsh, and physically intimidating, he defies them too. He is at times oddly gentle with you and, the mere fact he cares about someone’s survival other than his own, is in itself a surprise. A fortunate one for you. 

“Are we nearly back to the ship?” You ask because your leg is killing you, because you so desperately just want to get off this planet even if it means being stuck in a confined space with a convicted murderer. You hate this planet, you hate the constant feeling of fear and of uselessness. You hate the truth of it all, that you are weak, vulnerable, prey not the predator. It has you realising your many weaknesses, many vulnerabilities, many failings. 

“Shhh…” Riddick raises his hand out in front of you, a universal sign to stop, while the other comes to his lips in a shushing motion. If he were a dog, his ears might very well have pricked up at the slightest sound. 

To you nothing seemed out of the ordinary. There were no unusual sounds or movement in the brush. You couldn’t see anything out of place. Just as you begin to notice the silence, the lack of sound, that is the moment everything goes terribly wrong.

“Riddic-” You were cut off by your own scream. 

Things happen so fast that you don’t really have time to process them. One minute you are standing behind Riddick attempting to get his attention, the next a dark shape crashes into you and you’re on the jungle floor a heavy weight pressing on your chest and stopping your breathing. Your hands reach up instinctively, pushing against the creature in an effort to keep sharp gnashing teeth from your face, but you’re not strong and you’re not a fighter and you can feel your arms beginning to collapse already. Can hear yourself screaming for Riddick even as part of you thinks he’ll leave you there, abandon you to be eaten alive. There is a deep fear that this is it, this is the end. That it shall be painful, terrifying, lonely, and unfamiliar. 

Claws scratch at your arms, blood runs over your skin in rivulets as you scrabble in the dirt. Then as suddenly as the weight came it was gone, hefted off of you with an angry roar and the sound of a knife hitting flesh over and over again. You don’t look, can’t bring yourself to look, just lie there and breathe, in and out. You don’t want to see him do what he’s good at, don’t want to see alien blood, a dying creature, the parts of him that are less than gentle. So you stare up at the canopy and catch your breath, feeling the blood flow down your arms, the bruises that ache over your stomach, hips and legs. Feel the relief flow through you, combat the shock, as you realise you are not dead, you are alive, and he did not leave you to die. 

You’re rather numb in truth until you hear him muttering above you, “goddamn liability, deadweight…”, it shouldn’t upset you because it’s true. But it does, it upsets and angers you because you didn’t want to be here, you didn’t want any of this and you didn’t ask him to hang around, didn’t ask him to help you. You had no say in this. This was not your idea of a holiday, your idea of fun, or your fault. 

It forces you to your feet, forces you, despite the blood dripping from your wounds, to stand and face him, despite the bruises, despite the pain, despite the fear. You find yourself planting your feet even as you sway unsteadily, standing with hands on your wide hips and a scowl aimed at a man that could kill you easily. For the first time you’re too angry to overthink your actions towards the man. For a moment you stop thinking and start acting. 

“If i’m such a goddamn liability, then just leave me here! I didn’t ask for you to stay, Riddick! I didn’t ask for your help! If it’s such a fucking chore to have me along, if i’m really dead weight then leave me! Go!” You didn’t normally scream at anyone, it wasn’t your personality type. You were quiet, shy, retiring. A wallflower. You didn’t scream. You didn’t start fights. You didn’t do any of that. Anger wasn’t your natural response to anything. Fear was. But after being hunted down, time and time again by giant alien cats with venomous fangs and an uncanny ability to hide on a jungle planet, all while being called a liability, a dead weight by the one person you had to rely on, well, you were finally at your wits end. You were in pain, you were upset, frustrated and ready to just go home. 

You didn’t understand it. Why Riddick even bothered with you, practically a stranger. You knew you were a liability, that’s why it hurt so much when he said it. You were soft, emotionally and physically. You were a slow runner, a poor fighter, had terrible eyesight that required glasses, you weren’t light on your feet or graceful and you certainly didn’t know much about survival. You were overweight, unfit and unsure on your feet. You were prone to panic and tears, you were easily emotionally and physically unbalanced. Until this trip from hell you’d been content in the inner rim, working a normal job, a safe life. Your day to day had been comfortable, safe. Easy. You weren’t cut out for this, for danger and potential death and had Riddick, this known criminal, one of the most sought after murderers in the verse, not decided to stick by your side you’d have died at least ten times already. It didn’t make any sense and your frustration at yourself, the situation and at him had tears pooling in your eyes. You didn’t ask for any of this.

“I can’t.” He’s so impassive, so calm, that it pisses you off more. It pisses you off how hard it is to read him, how he hides his eyes behind black goggles that stop you understanding him. How he hides all emotion from you so easily. How is he okay with this? How is he so calm when everything around the two of you wants to kill you, when he could have left this goddamn planet already if you weren’t slowing him down at every turn? How could he stand there above the body of some hell spawn creature and just stare at you like that, like everything was just fine, just normal? Like he wasn’t covered in it’s blood. Like you weren’t dripping in your own. Like you hadn’t almost died. Again. 

“I..I don’t get it…? What do you mean you can’t? You could walk the fuck away right now. I can’t stop you! No one else is here to stop you! If you want to leave, leave! No one’s holding you back, Riddick! No one is going to stop you! I can’t bloody well can’t! Look at me!” You sound hysterical even to your own ears but you can’t help it. You are so scared, so confused, so frustrated, so panicked by all that’s happened, all that could happen. You gesture down to yourself, to the bloody coating you, the way you protectively hold yourself off of your hurt leg, the sheer stature different between the two of you. All the things that make it very abundantly clear that if he chose to simply walk away you couldn’t stop him. 

“Listen, princess, it’s not that fucking simple!” The snap is almost relieving, that he’s not as cold, not as impassive as you thought. That he could break too. That he could be angry, that he could be upset, that this wasn’t just normal. Even as his steps closer cause your back to hunch, cause you to second guess your antagonist behaviour. 

“I don’t understand!” 

With a growl he’s crowding you against a tree, thick arms caging you in. He’s imposing, large, a head taller than you and the action has him taking over every one of your senses. He never touches you in anger and while the display is intimidating, it oddly enough doesn’t scare you. It almost feels secure. Perhaps because not once has he done anything to suggest to you that he would hurt you, every move he’s made has been to keep you safe. Every time he’s touched you has been to pull you from danger or bring you back to your feet. Despite his harsh appearance, his foul language and the deadliness that he displays at every turn, he has never once given you cause to fear him. To fear how he would treat you. 

“You’re my mate, got it?! I don’t get to choose, I don’t get a choice! I can’t leave you! I just fucking can’t, so you’re a fucking liability and dead weight, but you’re my dead weight, got it? I ain’t fucking leaving you, we either both get off this motherfucking planet or we both get eaten by these fucks, princess. There’s no inbetween, understand?” Silver eyes flash at you as he tears the goggles from his eyes,  his brow furrows and the muscles in his thick neck and broad shoulders bunch and move with every piece of tension that bursts through him. You are distinctly and sharply reminded that Riddick is a predator in every sense of the word, while you are prey. You are on two separate ends of the spectrum. 

“Mate…?” Your eyes flit across the landscape behind his head, trying to process all those words and all their meanings. You don’t understand, you don’t understand any of it. But, those words soothe you in a way you can’t explain. He isn’t going to leave you. For whatever reason, for whatever this is, whatever he means, he isn’t going to leave you.  You let out a breath you didn’t even realise you’d been holding. He’s not leaving, even if you’re a liability, a deadweight. Even when things get bad, he’s not leaving. He is, at this point, your only chance at getting home, getting away from him, of surviving. The panic in you begins to soothe, calm and settle. 

“We don’t have time for this.” You’re startled by the sudden display of affection as the man cups the back of your neck and presses his forehead into your own, “Just trust me.”

“I do, Riddick, I trust you” It’s hard to explain, the trust you feel for him, the safety as you let him lead you once more through the jungle. You are bleeding, in pain and still ever so aware of the dangers around you, but you have an implicit belief that with Riddick you are as safe as you can be. That if there was ever a person to carry you through this it would be him. 

You might still be confused, might not understand what he means by you being his mate or by his obligation towards you, but you know that he isn't leaving you for dead and that is enough right now. That is more than enough.

                                                ------------------------------

                                                   All Works Taglist

@charradelange @belfry-bat  @gabile18 @beccaboo929​  @trasheater

[grayintogreen]

A fucking year ago I wrote a fic that was basically like “do you think everyone just forgot about those two Underworld Bouncers who let Sesshoumaru just walk in because he had the Tenseiga WELL I DIDN’T” and now the Underworld Bouncers are back and are a major plot point like damn. Nailed it.

I’m now sitting on “Towa is gonna save Sesshoumaru’s life either with her doot doot sword flute or with the Tenseiga* as a parallel to Setsuna severing the thread of fate between Rin and Zero” like COME ON SHOW. GIVE IT TO ME. I wrote that fic too! I need it!

*Y’all don’t understand how bad I want everyone in this family (except Towa I guess) to have been raised by the Tenseiga. Like EVEN JAKEN. EVEN. JAKEN. HAS.

Other thoughts:

-honestly into Shippo not aging a day mentally or emotionally because it really drives home the whole “full demons age slowly” thing, which means Sesshoumaru is probably still mentally in his early twenties. This doesn’t matter. Except where it does.

-glad we got Kirinmaru’s entire scheme and it’s just “Guys I want to remake the classic movie Armageddon.” Someone please dub over that shot of the Grim Comet smashing into earth with “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing.” What if I put that on my SessRin playlist right now. I’m gonna do it.

Seriously, his plans GET DUMBER every time he explains them. He’s making Young Lord Bad Communication Is Hereditary look good by comparison.

-new crack theory: Both families goes to the modern era permanently. Problem solved. Unleash the dogs on modern day Japan.

-less crack theory and more “a thing that isn’t going to happen but I want it to.” They do all go to the modern era to fight the comet and Towa realizes she wants to go back a la Kagome like please Jesus just let be so. She can’t break her promise to Mei if she sees her again and Mei lets her out of it. Do not separate the family!!! Don’t do it!!!!

(I’ve been getting A LOT of things I wanted out of the show suddenly such as: Rin protecting Sess, Sess getting his ASS BEAT, so you know Maybe???)

-glad to see Jaken is carrying the weight of the sole brain cell in this family. Idk if he was the one sending Inuyasha and Kagome Moroha baby pictures on his own time or if Sess told him to, but turning the Staff Cam on so Team Black Pearl could see what was going on was a big brain move. We really don’t appreciate the Team Grandpa enough.

-Can’t talk about how much I was sobbing about Moroha and her parents. My heart!!! Also I love that Kagome ALSO calls them “Rin’s daughters” like yeah sure your dad is a scawwy demon but have you met Rin?!

(Rin, meanwhile, in her underwear and no shoes telling Kirinmaru to get fucked. QUEEN SHIT. You should see her in a crown.)

- the OFFENDED looks on Towa and Setsuna’s face when Inuyasha is like “wow your dad got fucking merced by Kirinmaru right in front of you that’s rough” SENT ME. Like DAMN Inuyasha. It was cute that he was then like “HE’S FINE HE IS LITERALLY TOO STUBBORN TO DIE.”

(Smash cut to: Sesshoumaru fighting off THE SPECTRE OF DEATH ITSELF to go kick Kirinmaru’s ass because he was going to murder his wife. Like damn this family is attractive. We Stan the protective instincts of (1) poodle demon family.)

Every week is agony. I need more. I’m finally getting fed here.

[mochegato]

Mine Protector

Continuation of Enemy Mine

She gripped her jacket tighter around her as she made her way down the sidewalk.  One of the good things about Gotham, she supposed, was nobody gave you a second glance.  In Paris, she would have been stopped every few feet by most of the people she came across. It would have been nearly impossible to make her way in peace.  But here, nobody even noticed her.  Nobody noticed the cuts.  Nobody noticed the blood.  Nobody noticed the glancing over her shoulder every few steps to make sure she wasn’t being followed.

On the downside, most likely, nobody would react if the men came back for her either.  Nobody would intercede if they grabbed her.  Nobody would care unless it affected them.  Which meant she was on her own.  It was up to her to get somewhere safe so she could report what she found… tomorrow.  Today she just wanted to take a shower to wash off the blood and grime and curl up in bed and try to forget the feeling of getting questioned and beaten.

She looked back over her shoulder again and narrowed her eyes at the men who just turned onto the sidewalk, trying to remember if she had seen their faces at the club.  She was so distracted, she didn’t notice the form in front of her until it had grabbed her and dragged her into the alley next to them.  She tried to scream.  Maybe if she made enough noise, someone would do something, if just to stop the annoying noise.  But she couldn’t scream.  A hand over her mouth muted her screams.

Once they stopped moving, Marinette kicked behind her, trying to hit either the upper thigh or crotch.  Either should be enough to take the man down for a few seconds, long enough for her to get away.  But the man blocked her kick with his shin.  Marinette growled internally but felt at least a tiny bit better knowing it was going to be a hell of a bruise that he’d be feeling for days. She twisted to elbow him in the neck, but her reactions after her earlier encounter were just a few seconds slower than usual, enough to give him the opportunity to grab her arms and hold them against her body.

“Marinette stop...” Red Hood cried, his voice knocking her out of her tunnel vision and finally noticing who it was that grabbed her.

“What are you doing here?” she cut him off harshly.  Even with her bangs and hair obscuring her face after the slight struggle, her glare still came through.

“Patrol.  What are you doing here?” he countered in the same tone.

“Going home,” she growled.  “Are we done now?”  She leaned away from him and crossed her arms with a pout.  He continued to stare at her wordlessly waiting for her to elaborate.  If she was upset, especially upset enough to snap at him when they weren’t fighting, then she almost always would continue to talk, working through the problem and the anger as she did.  Instead, she looked down and pulled her jacket closer around her, refusing to look at him.

Jason arched an eyebrow at her reaction.  That was not normal.  “Marinette?” he prodded.

“What?” she hissed to the ground.

Jason stared at her for a few more seconds before finally taking a step closer and reaching to hook his finger under her chin. She moved to take a step away from him but she was already backed up against the alley wall.  Jason’s hand faltered.  Marinette had never reacted like this.  If anything, she would slap someone’s hand away if they tried to touch her.  For him, she would defiantly stand unmoving, refusing to give him any kind of reaction.  Occasionally, she would even lean into the touch.  But shying away?  Something was definitely wrong.

He removed his helmet to see her better and to make it less intimidating.  They were… well, whatever they were, they weren’t enemy enemies, especially not as Jason and Marinette.  He examined her a lot closer.  She had blood on her jacket and he was sure if she wasn’t holding it so close to her body, he’d see more on her shirt as well.  Her hair was sticking to an area on her neck and the angle she was holding her head carefully concealed her face.  He debated taking off his domino mask to get an even closer view of her injuries, but they were too exposed.  No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t afford to do it.

He slowly took another step forward, waiting to see how she reacted to him.  When she didn’t shy away further, he hooked his finger under her chin again.  This time she let him and when he gently nudged her face up to look at him, she yielded.  His whole body went rigid.  “Who did this to you?”  His voice was low and deceptively calm, but she could hear the rage simmering under the surface.

She tried to break free from his hold to look away again, but he wouldn't let her.  “Who. Did. This. To. You,” he repeated, not bothering to hide the harshness in his tone this time.

“It doesn’t matter,” she grumbled looking anywhere but his eyes even as he moved her face around to see the damage.

“Jesus, Marinette!” he exclaimed, finally sweeping her hair away from her neck to expose the multiple cuts along her neck down to where her neck met her shoulder.  His jaw set harshly as he took in the bruise already forming around her eye and the cut in her brow.  A matching one on her forehead was still oozing blood down her face almost obscuring the deep bruise on her jaw.  He wouldn’t be surprised if it hadn’t been dislocated.  It would certainly explain why she wasn’t talking.  “How bad was the fight if you ended up like this even outside of your suit?”

She looked away refusing to meet his eyes. “You were wearing your suit, right?” he asked carefully.  Marinette set her lips defiantly, refusing to answer his questions.  Jason huffed out a frustrated growl.  “Why weren’t you in your suit?  And if you weren’t in your suit, why didn’t you transform?  Fuck, even if you weren’t in a suit you can protect yourself, how many of them were there if they were able to do this?”

Marinette stared at the ground for a few seconds trying to decide how much she was willing to expose.  “I was undercover,” she started.  Jason opened his mouth to object but she continued before he could chastise her for not transforming anyway.  “And there was no place for me to transform.  So unless I wanted everyone to know my identity, I had to deal with it as civilian me, who isn’t supposed to be able to fight.”

Jason tugged lightly at her coat to see the damage to her body.  “You should never have been in there alone.  I can’t believe B let you go in without backup.”

“I can take care of myself, J… Hood,” she growled as she pulled her jacket tighter around herself again, blocking him from seeing the bruises and cuts forming along her ribs and back.

“This is not taking care of yourself!” Jason yelled at her.

“If it would have gotten too bad, I would have stopped it,” she whisper yelled back.

Jason glared at her and considered again taking off the domino mask so she could feel the full impact of it.  “I asked who did this to you.”  His voice was softer but still laced with danger.

Marinette rolled her eyes.  “I'm not about to give you another person to kill, another body to add to the pile.”  Jason pursed his lips but didn’t interrupt her.  “This isn't about you.  This is about me.  And that won't make me feel better.”

He studied her furrowed brow and downturned lips, the look in her eyes and felt his own eyes softening.  He brushed the hair from her face and caressed the cheek that wasn’t hurt.  “What will?” he whispered softly.

“Being with someone who isn't a crime boss,” she whispered back.

He nodded and took a half step closer.  “You certainly deserve that,” he said breathlessly. He leaned down so his forehead ghosted hers, too afraid of causing more pain if he touched one of her wounds.  His breath fanned across her lips as he spoke.  “White picket fence, two kids, dog and a cat…”

“Loving partner,” she finished softly.

He nodded, his lips just missing hers by a hair’s breadth as he did.  “I could be that for you.”  He looked from her lips to her eyes, asking for permission to move closer.  Her eyes searched his for a moment before darkening and becoming hooded.  Jason leaned closer, but just before he made contact they heard footprints and loud talking at the end of the alley.  They looked over to see what was causing the ruckus and Marinette immediately went still, her entire body becoming rigid.

Jason felt the change without even having to look at her.  “These the guys that caught you earlier?” he asked without looking away from the threat. She nodded.  He nodded in response.  “Close your eyes,” he said calmly.

“Really?”  She stared at him incredulously.

“Yeah… if you let yourself get beaten up, hence,” he motioned toward her face, “then Marinette probably isn’t supposed to be a good fighter, so Marinette probably wouldn’t like watching violence either.”

“Marinette doesn’t like watching violence,” she reminded him pointedly.

“I hear you guys like beating up women,” Jason called loudly.  The men looked between themselves as if to confirm she was worth messing with Red Hood over, but continued forward anyway.  “You know how I feel about people who take advantage of women and kids.”  Their steps faltered slightly, but they must have thought their numbers would give them enough of an advantage.

Jason tensed for the fight, watching the men, calculating weaknesses and potential ins for him to exploit.  He only looked away when Marinette laid her hand on his arm. He looked at her questioningly.  “I don’t want anyone dead or hurt because of me,” she started quietly.

“Pixie,” he sighed.

“That includes you,” she continued, looking up at him through her eyelashes.  “So be careful, yeah?”

Jason stared at her for a second before his chest puffed up.  “They won’t lay a finger on me.” He smirked at her.  She nodded and closed her eyes, taking a step back to give him space to fight. She flinched occasionally at the sounds of hits landing and bodies smacking into alley walls before sliding down to the ground and not making any more noise.  After just a few minutes, there was no more noise except the soft sound of footsteps approaching.  She relaxed at the sound, recognizing Jason’s footsteps.

Jason’s fingers brushed gently along the edges of her face, waiting for her to open her eyes.  She slowly opened them with a weak smile.  “All good?”

Jason nodded back at her.  “Everyone’s alive and hopefully think my only interest was because a woman got beaten up, not who got hurt.  So your cover isn’t blown.”  He leaned in close to her with a smirk.  “And they never laid a finger on me.”

Marinette’s smile, though still weak, became stronger. “Glad to hear it.  And thank you.”

Jason continued staring in her eyes for a few moments before pulling away and reaching for her hand.  “Can I give you a ride home?  My bike’s just a block away.”

Marinette took his hand and squeezed it with a nod. He kicked one of the men as they walked past for extra measure.  

His delivery service included walking her all the way to her door.  She tried to tell him he could just drop her off at the sidewalk, but he insisted on making sure nobody was waiting for her.  Marinette unlocked her door and turned to him.  “Satisfied?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to check inside too? Or just… you know, keep you company?” Jason asked.  He leaned against the doorframe.

Marinette chuckled.  “I’ll be fine.  Good Night, Hood.”  She knocked his helmet gently before closing the door.  She took a deep breath as she looked around her apartment, dark and empty and alone.  She let the breath out sharply.  She turned around and yanked the door open, prepared to run after Jason.  He couldn’t have gotten too far, right?

Instead she braced for him to fall on her when she found him blocking the doorway, apparently as startled by the door opening as she was to open it.  Luckily, his arms were braced on either side of the door, or he would have fallen.  His head snapped up quickly from where it looked like he had been leaning it against the door.  “Marinette?”  His eyes immediately scanned the room behind her looking for any threats.

Marinette fumbled for what to say.  She hadn’t thought this far ahead.  “I… would … um, company tonight would be good… because…” She looked down, searching for what to say when her eyes caught on some blood.  “Cuts!  I have cuts. And help… uh bandaging… them would be good.”

Jason’s eyes softened and he smiled slightly.  He moved closer but kept a bit of distance between them.  “I have a lot of experience with that.”

Marinette moved to let him in.  He waited until she had closed and locked the door before he took his helmet off.  “Where’s your first aid kit?  I can grab it while you take your coat off and take a shower.”

“Bathroom under the sink.”  

He nodded and walked with her into the bathroom. He grabbed the kit while she removed her coat.  She tried unsuccessfully to contain her pained groan as she took off her coat, letting it drop to the ground, likely getting blood she’d have to clean later on the floors.  Jason eyed her warily.  “You sure you don’t need my help in the shower?  You don’t look too steady on your feet.”

Marinette waved him off.  “I’ll be okay.  Might be the world’s shortest shower, but I’ll manage.”

Jason didn’t look convinced but nodded anyway. “I’ll just wait outside the door then. Call for me if you need help.”

“Maybe wait for me in the kitchen instead,” Marinette suggested.  “I’m going to have to get to my room to change clothes.”

Jason nodded again.  “If it will make you more comfortable.”  He gave her one last concerned look before getting the supplies he anticipated using ready for them.

True to her word, Marinette’s shower was incredibly quick.  He heard her padding into another room, which he assumed was hers before coming back out to meet him in the kitchen.  He smiled at the adorable pajamas before grimacing once he noticed all the bruises and cuts that were now exposed.  

Marinette crawled up onto the island and fought just collapsing and falling asleep.  She closed her eyes and started to lean back, finally giving in.  “Op, don’t do that, Pixie.  It’ll help if you’re awake.  Otherwise I’m going to have to strip you to make sure I got all the cuts.”  He waggled his eyebrows at her.  Marinette rolled her eyes but huffed out a laugh in spite of herself.  

Jason smiled back for a moment before looking more serious.  “But judging by the blood, you will have to at least take off your shirt.”  Marinette groaned.  “Yeah, not the way I wanted it to happen either, but I can see blood starting to seep through your shirt already so, it looks like there’s a few cuts that will need to be bandaged.  We’ll save those for last though so you can keep your shirt on longer.”

Marinette watched him as he started carefully cleaning and bandaging her cuts.  His fingers were significantly gentler than she would have expected.  His face was the picture of concentration except for the mask still on his face.  He looked at her questioningly when she giggled.  “You going to keep that on all night?” Marinette asked tapping his domino mask.

Jason paused and slowly pulled the mask off, keeping eye contact with Marinette the entire time.  “Better?”  His voice was deep and husky and bordering on illegal.

Marinette froze for a second, putting all of her effort into not letting her breath hitch, she was suddenly very awake.  “Much,” she nodded absently.

Jason kept his eye contact for a few more seconds before continuing to the cuts on her neck, arms, and back.  Marinette let out a relieved breath when he finished with the last cut.  She would finally be able to put a shirt back on.  Sitting half naked in front of Jason, with her shirt bunched in front of her chest to protect her modesty, was killing her.  Each touch of his fingers against her bare skin was sending tiny shocks to her heart.  She didn’t know how much more of it she could take.  But then again, now that he was done, she didn’t know what he was going to do. She didn’t want him to leave, but she needed him too.  At the end of the day, and they were, in fact, at the end of this day, he was a crime boss and she was a hero.  This couldn’t continue.

She opened her mouth to thank him and ask him to leave when she felt a gentle pressure against her newly bandaged cut. Her body overflowed with electricity, warming her whole body.  Before she could even process it, he’d moved to the next bandage, laying a gentle kiss on it too.  He moved up to her neck and she couldn’t stop the whimper that forced its way out of her mouth.  He paused for a second and she could feel the smirk that spread across his lips.

He met her eyes and cupped her uninjured cheek before he leaned in to kiss her forehead.  He let his lips linger for a few seconds on that bandage before he moved onto her eyebrow.  He pulled away just enough to speak, his lips centimeters from hers.  “You know, some of these cuts… they’ll need to have the bandages changed.  You’ll need someone who knows what they’re doing to change them.”

Marinette nodded breathlessly.  “Know anyone?”

Jason smiled.  “I might have a recommendation.”  He looked down to her lips and back up to her eyes.  He took a deep breath and pulled away.  “You need to get some sleep.  Your body needs rest.”  Marinette stared at him in shock.  “Do you need help getting your shirt back on?” he offered quietly.

Marinette shook her head and he turned around while she struggled to get it back on.  Jason almost turned back around a few times at the groans and whimpers she was trying very hard to contain.  When the noises finally stopped he turned around tentatively.  He noted the exhausted look in her eyes and decided he had definitely made the right choice not to pursue anything tonight.

“Come on,” he picked her up in a bridal hold and carried her to the couch.  He sat down and placed her gently on his lap before wrapping his arms around her and leaning back against the couch arm.  

Marinette pulled away and looked down at him.  She blinked at him a few times trying to process what was going on.  Her lips quirked down sadly.  No matter how good his arms felt, no matter how magical his kisses felt, it all came back to one basic truth, she couldn’t be with him.  She couldn’t support his decisions.  She couldn’t stomach his methods.  And he had no interest in changing them.  “Jason…” she started.

A sad, understanding smile tugged at his lips.  “Yeah, I know.  Just for tonight.  I’ll keep you safe while you sleep.  Nobody will hurt you while I’m around.”

She gave him a bittersweet smile and laid back down on his chest.  “Okay. Thank you.”  She let his warmth and heartbeat relax her.  After a minute she spoke up again.  “No horror movies though.”

Jason laughed.  “I would never,” he promised and held her closer, carefully avoiding her bruises.  “I heard Marinette doesn’t like watching violence.”  Marinette chuckled and nuzzled into his chest.  She watched as Jason searched through the options, her eyes getting heavier with each passing second, the day, the beating, and Jason’s smell and warmth lulling her to sleep.  She was asleep before he even selected the BBC Pride & Prejudice miniseries.

Bonus:

Marinette blinked awake and looked around.  She didn’t remember getting to bed last night. She yawned and wrinkled her nose at the smell that assaulted her senses when she did.  She jumped out of bed and immediately cursed quietly at how badly that hurt.  She threw on a robe and made her way to the kitchen.  She froze and smiled when she got there.

“Morning, Pixie,” Jason smiled at her.  “How are you feeling this morning?”

She raised an eyebrow and leaned against the counter next to him.  “I’m confused.  I have a mob boss in my kitchen… burning breakfast for me.”

Jason scoffed.  “I’m not… oh shit!  It’s burning.”  He frantically pushed the pans off the stove, glaring half-heartedly at Marinette’s laughter. “See if I make breakfast for you ever again,” he grumbled through a poorly concealed smile.

Marinette’s laughs lessened to chuckles.  “Please don’t.  I don’t have fire insurance.”

Continued in You’re Mine

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